Hello, it’s me. I am alive!


Hello my fabulous friends! Yes, I know – I legit let a week go by without chatting with you all. I have been slipping here and it upsets me, I will get my butt back on track!

So tell me, what is going on my followers!? I want to hear from you, how are you doing!? Have you tried anything new? Fought a fear? Slayed a dragon!? 

Tell me how you are feeling, basically – I feel out of touch and want to hear from you!! PLEASE!

As for me, I have been feeling a bit low and anxious (yes, its just as confusing as it sounds lol). I even had to take a mental health day from work Friday. I have not been sleeping again… so there is that. Just still stressing about my abnormal pap results. I know, I know – I should not be worried. However, I have to take 3 pills a day to try to tame that anxious beast inside me! Sometimes it is still hard. sigh. So, only 2 more weeks to go before my test…. I can do this … right? Most women have already been here, done that. So, trying to stay calm 🙂

I did try to do some things for me this weekend due to my mood. I love weird shit, I am a weird gal soooo antique/resale shops are my jam! I found 3?? In my little hometown so I went rummaging to find the perfect thing for me! Right? Retail therapy is always great! The only issue, I could not find anything that made my heart just burst out of it’s chest. I tried to find a record player and or soulful records… fail. I did however see a cassette player in the antique store…so I guess we are finally there? I felt a bit old… not gonna lie. So the perfect pick me up gift is still yet to be found, so I hit up my local coffee shop to lift my spirits in caffeine form :).

Outside of my failed rummaging and funk, I helped Caterpillar turn his empty apartment into a homey apartment! Want to test a strength of a relationship? Build furniture together hahaha. Jk jk, we made it out alive and not a scratch or toooo much bickering.

Now enough about me, please fill my comments with anything about you!!! All the things! The good, bad, ugly, sweet, funny, jokes, pictures, feelings – let me hear from you ❤ I will chat with you all soon!

❤ xoxo,

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Not So Thriving Thursday

Hello – it’s me! I missed ALL OF YOU!

I think it is safe to say that I have made it through our “hiring frenzy” over the past 2 weeks – WHEW. I hope to be back in the blogging game starting now – yessssss! I really do miss reading up on you guys, sorry for being a bad friend and being so far behind, I feel like I am letting you guys down and it makes me sad. I promise to dedicate some time to that asap! ❤

So I guess I can give you a quick life update before diving into my reader. Also, since my brain is still a bit foggy/fried/overstimulated – I am going to do a random bullet list. Simple, easy thoughts on life….should not be too hard right!? Let’s see…

  • Doggos: While neatly trimmed and oh so loving, I think my 3 pups are trying to kill me. They have been fond of romping around in the middle of the night and needing to be let out multiple times throughout the night over the past week. I did not get settled into bed until 2:30A last night. There was some anxiety issues with this as well, but mostly CRAZED MUTTS! I try so hard to give them all the love, the ear scratches, refuse to walk out on my job to keep kibble in the bowls! This is how they repay me!? YESH! Thanks puppers 😉 I really do love them though – just want that to be noted!
  • Fatigue: Is an understatement for me over the past week. I mean, I think adulthood in general is a giant blur of fatigue but this has been a new level for me. Sadly even while feeling so tired that my body aches and my nerve endings feel on fire – I still cannot sleep well. I may have to bust out the ole trazodone again 😦 which also makes me sad. I just want a normal functioning body…. k thx! I am sure the work load and still raging pollen count has something to do with it… right?
  • Officially ANTI-SOCIAL:  Well, kinda. As I mentioned a few posts back, I was participating in the IG @omgkenzieee #selflovebootcamp – which sounded so good in theory but it just got too hard…then I got really far behind. So there went my weekly posting idea versus the daily. I guess you could say I have officially given up. That’s right, I am a quitter. I still follow the tag and friends that I made the first couple weeks…er… week? They are warriors indeed and perhaps I am just a little bunny that is lost. Kudos to all the ladies out there who is still putting their bodies out there and fighting for the MUST body positive movement. You girls go! I will cheer from over here, by over here I mean with this pizza and probably a blanket.
  • Mood: I have been in a low mood since yesterday. There is no sun, only rain and my stubby legs did not make it over “large” leap over a puddle this morning and…my feet, flats and legs were wet for most of the morning. It did not help things 😦 . I guess I am being a Grumpy Kat….
  • Buffoonery: First, can I say that I love this word? Why is it not utilized more? Anyway… I love to take pictures and while looking through my 3k photos on my phone, I realized that I had quite the range of random snaps, downloaded memes, inspirational quotes and even raunchy ridiculous memes all in between all the photos of my rebellious mutts. I was thinking that I wanted to put together a quick movie/slideshow? I guess you could say? That shows some of my pics and randomness that I love and snatched off the interwebs….just to give you a show? So you can see what I find is interesting, I hope you will tell me your thoughts on it!

Case of the Mondays

Hello friends & happy Monday!!

So, I tried to blog Friday, then again over the weekend and I just did not feel creative. I tried and wanted to chat with all of you but just could not find the words or…anything. It was sad! So today my friends, I am forcing myself and I do feel a little more lively today.  I FREAKING MISSED YOU!

Okay, so let’s see… what did I do this weekend…

Friday: I was brain dead. It was such a busy work week in comparison to what we have been and I dated things in July…so there was that. I FREAKING thought it was July friends. Needless to say, I went home and just shut down. As an introvert, too much stimuli can wear me down. I feel like I did not do much “self care” if you will – so powered down like a damn robot is what I did.  I came across this a while ago and it is so perfect & true. This was me… but imagine brown hair and 3 dogs around me versus the cat haha. Most people probably would think this is lame but, it is a necessity in order for me to be a somewhat social and functioning human being.

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Saturday: Was not much better. I am pretty sure I finally rolled out of bed at like 1P and showered at 3P. I nap, stir, watch Netflix and repeat. I did eventually order pizza and texted with a few people – very limited socializing haha. Then, a burst of energy hit and I started cleaning the house like a mad woman. Reorganizing my closet, still sifting through clothes for donations, dusted, put away my heavy boots (FINALLY!), steam cleaned the carpets and cleared a lot of clutter – my soul was much happier in the end. It was worth dealing with my dust allergy… kinda. Fun fact – my allergist told me that I should clean with a mask on. I have yet to do this, I find it silly but…. times like Saturday & Sunday I realize that perhaps I DO need one and that this doctor MAY know what he is talking about….maybe I will look for some fun ones? Anyway the “Mad Housewife that is NOT a wife at all but merely a crazed dog mom/cleaning machine vibe” continued into the wee hours  – look fucking out world! I am usually ready for bed by 10P!

Sunday: The madness continued. I decided I was going to shave my dog, I realize this may sound a bit… off. But I have fluffy dog problem and my girl Sydney was rocking some SERIOUS dog pantaloons? Pup-Pants? Fuzzy Butt? Butt fluff???? I am not sure what the correct term is but they were getting a bit out of control annnnnd her tail was a bit long too. So I channeled my inner dog groomer and went to town. I should have done a “before and after” but this all was a bit random and really did not plan for the fashion shoot 🐕 #fail. Regardless she seems like a happy pup! Just look at her!  My grooming skills must have passed the Syd test! ♥️

Derp!

I hope everyone had a good start to the week! I am drained from the day (again) – sorry my that I don’t have too much to report…… EXCEPT FOR THESE BAD ASS SOCKS! 👇🏻 AREN’T THESE INCREDIBLE!? They are so me and btw…I have a thing for fabulous socks! Stripes, dots, houndstooth, nerdy and witty – love them all! 

 Monday morning gifts from friends are the best ♥️ ! 💁🏼💁🏻

That is really all I’ve got today guys, how was your weekend!? Tell me ALL THE THINGS. 
xoxo,

Dogs, Moms and hikes with frogs! Also 200 FOLLOWERS!?

Hello friends!

Oh, how I missed you all! Come on in for an awkward group hug! ❤

Well, I took some “me” time this weekend and went hiking this weekend… Against my better sinusitis judgement, but it was worth it (I think). I got out, stretched the legs, took a couple photos, took my time with the day and played with pups…it was nice. I did not have reception though, so I feel so disconnected from the world – SO BEHIND ON ALL THE THINGS!

Here are some photos of my adventure – I did not edit them… Because I’m still in sloth mode – but I hope you enjoy them! 🖤

Let’s see here…

Sloth Mode – I am so sorry I am behind on reading your comments and posts! I have already started my replies and reading some, I will be catching up today for sure! Thank you for not forgetting about me and being patient – love you all!

I also realized that I did not even do a my photo challenge for last week… hopefully I will get that done before the next one rolls out :).

Boss Babe Vibes – I felt like I did some serious work here? Turns out when I looked at my “to-do” list…I crossed off like 2 things. So there is that… I ordered my business cards (YES!) ordered a few things that I needed for my home office, which is def something I need to channel all my extra energy into this week. My printer is not even hooked up and I need to create and PRINT! Ugh… I have piles of laundry in my office?? So in terms of work environment, it does not exist. I will get there :).

So the product that I will be selling, which is so near and dear to my fair, sensitive, crazy ass skin is… (drum roll) … is natural bath, body and home products. The fun thing is, you can create your own scent with essential and fragrance oils – it’s a pretty fab idea. In addition, you can customize the label to anything you want – like my title for a new lotion was inspired by Alice of course and named it “Wildflower.” Anyway, so I went all crazy lady in concocting this signature scent for me 🙂 it was lovely and I cannot wait to get it. I also made a natural flea and tick spray for my puppers because I take being a dog mom very seriously lol…. *obsessively checking email for updates*.

Not so social media – I took a bit of a break from posting every day for the IG #selflovebootcamp with @omgkenzieee , I feel pretty mixed about it. I did not keep up with the challenge /commitment but man – it was too consuming with all the feels and whatnot. Perhaps I will do a weekly version? I am still thinking on how I can do this so I can still feel human and work towards a better me. Additionally, not lose sight of what my DOTMK IG was for, while it is all mental health related, if I have to post one more pic of me specifically, I may just lose it haha. I am tired of seeing it myself all haha.

Sore Legs & Self Love – My hike kicked my ass too. I am a pro at hibernating like you have never seen. Sleep all day and all night without a prob?! ME! Perhaps it is because of all my insomnia days. My body is finally resting? Or perhaps I am still depressed, humm! Regardless, I got out and moved which I need to do more of. I have to get my cholesterol checked again this week to compare since I have had high levels for the past two years and I have not done much about it. I know… people see a petite gal and do not think cholesterol probs but it is very real my friends. It comes in high doses of pizza and napping haha. So I am going to try to do better, it is all I can do. Same with everything else in my life I suppose, I am a work in progress friends, a true hot mess of a human haha. Which reminds me, I saw this shirt from www.lookhuman.com quite fitting eh!?

Speaking of Mothers – I did spend some time with mine yesterday, despite our um… unique relationship. I got her a card and tried to find the perfect Hallmark card for her. However, there is not a “eh you probably did your best” version. I tried to find one, trust me. Instead, I flipped through sappy cards that just did not fit and ended up settling with one that seemed full of lies and flowers. I am glad that it is over, I did my part world.

I got a couple “happy dog mom” texts and even received a homemade card from Caterpillar which was super kind, he used photos that I did not even realize that he took of me and my heathen dogs. This is his second year doing this for me, so perhaps he does care? Who knows 😉 . Can I say that homemade gifts are the fucking best? Like even simple things, I would take a drawn stick figure over some overpriced thing any day. Maybe I am just easily pleased haha.

The GRIND – Work is about to kick up for me as it is intern season – RUN! I will do my best to keep up with all of you fabulous people.

BLOG – OMG! I hit 200 FOLLOWERS today!!!! 🎉 THANK YOU MY LOVES!!! You all are the best and I can’t wait to keep learning about all of you 🙏🏻. Thanks again for all your support 😘. #blessed #dancingforjoy

Ahem. Sorry – got excited 😁

How was your weekend!? Did you receive anything for Mother’s Day? Do anything different or exciting? TELL ME EVERYTHING! 😘😘

Love you all and talk again soon! 

Follow me down the social rabbit hole – Instagram & Pinterest

Do my patchy eyebrows go well with my C-3PO Socks? What about my shoodles? Oh,OK. 

Hello my beautiful people/friends/followers!
I hope you all are doing well and that your week has been treating you kindly. It is almost FRIDAY – woo! It has been a long week, at least it feels like it has been. The sad thing is, I spent most of it sleeping due to my sinus infection and yet it still feels so long….So let’s move on, grab some tea and get caught up eh!?



Addiction & Mental Health Post
– THANK YOU so much for all the kind feedback regarding my post about addiction and mental health. Writing on this topic was a little out of my comfort zone and I felt it was not my best work but the “clicks” and sweet messages were very much appreciated. I hope to keep expanding on this in the future by doing more research and connecting with more of you. Thanks again!

IG #selflovebootcamp challenge with @omgkenzieee – Whew! Let me tell you, this has been kicking my ass to be honest. Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing the other “bootcampers” grow and share their stories. That is what it is all about right? Getting the word out there, sharing and passing on words of encouragement…which I try to do this with as many as I can. They are just hard topics and to post photos along with them makes it all the more difficult. Talk about vulnerability my friends – ugh! Today’s challenge was the big one that I was waiting for: #scarrednotscared since I have had so many surgeries and it has greatly impacted me in many ways, before them, during the recovery and even after the scars have faded a bit, my body has just been through a lot I suppose. I think I may take a break from the daily posts and catch up when I am feeling more energized, we will see. I am just too tired…zzz. 

Is too much self reflection exhausting to you too??
*On a related note..the positivity that is being spread around due to this camp is amazing though, so please do go check out the hashtags listed in my blurb, they are truly inspiring!!

Blog Life – Guys! I just reached 180 followers! I know this is not a “typical” milestone but I had a bit of a dry spell if you will in regards to new followers. I know that is not really the “point” of my blog and not the real goal but it is exciting to see more people want to follow along and read my posts! So Thank you again friends, I love you all 🙂 



Boss Babe Life
– This has also been kicking my ass but in a good way. There is just so much to learn about marketing in this day (all the social media YIKES), perks and cons of sales. It is all super exciting, I always wanted to be my “own boss” if you will and perhaps that may fully be the case one day… aka: I always wanted to own a coffee shop, oh how I miss it! It would be funky and my own little hole in the wall – ONE DAY. For now, I work the FT job and learn more about business and educating others about something I feel very passionate about on the side. I also booked a vending spot for June – outside of the Hatter Brunch eeeee! I cannot wait to get things going :).

Love Life – What is this even really? Can we just talk about how lucky I am because once I would start dating again…post Fuckboy…everyone is so fucking broken and scared. What ever happened to good ole, sticking by yo’ man and vice versa? I am talking long strolls in nature, ice cream treats and hair blowing perfectly in the wind (hopefully not IN the ice cream – that is not sexy). Not giving up? Actually talking things out? Also, this ghosting thing? Why. WHY IS THIS THE GO TO OPTION NOW? 

WHAT. IS. THIS. SHIT. 

I have seen many posts about this too, even my fellow blogging friends here have mentioned this a time or two. I know we are on a feminist and mental health kick right now world and I can & am behind that too…. But can we really focus on this as well?! I mean…. At this point the population may just decline a bit because people are just giving up! #rantover

Anyway, let me just reeeeel it back in a bit here.  Honestly, things in my “love life” are…okay. By that I mean, I’m focused on so many things right now to even really dwell? <— this may not be exactly what I’m looking for… but I have chatted with Caterpillar here and there. We just have this pull for one another I suppose and that’s about all I’m going to say about that at the moment since I’m still feeling this thing out. Not to worry though my friends who have been “tuned in” to the saga that is Caterpillar & Kat. I have heard you all and I agree with all your advice and love so with that – I have my eyes PEELED, heart guarded and more vocal to Mr. Caterpillar than ever. We both have and it’s been better. 

Now to wrap up my post here – let me explain my blog title…

Some days, I wake up to my work alarm and just say… Fuck it. This happens more days than not anymore lol. But I usually take a makeup bag with me… Just in case I want to feel human and throw some war paint at work. I’m sure my co-workers thank me when I do 😅. But today was NOT one of days. I didn’t do shit today besides barely get dressed. My scarred and patchy eyebrows did not get filled in today (sorry cbus). They long to be full, filled in and fabulous – just not today sorry brows. To top of my level of “not giving a fuck” I proudly slipped my feet into C-3PO socks and then continued to shove my 29 year old feet into a pair of canvas slip-ons that are covered in dog doodles – dubbed Shoodles by Bark & Co. In terms of business casual….I was more casual.  However world, that is what you get when I am down with a sinus infection. As my dear friend Sunshine said today “it would be nice to go a week without getting sick.”

I could not agree more. 


So my friends, that is my little update. How is your week going!? Tell me all about it! 

P.s.- I will be getting to your comments soon! Thanks for hanging in there while I zombie through with this infection ♥️. 

Xoxo 😘,

Follow me down the social rabbit hole: Instagram & Pinterest !

Friends for Days Tag!

Hello friends! I have been nominated for the ‘Friends For Days’ tag by the fantastic Emmzeebeee! Thank you so much, I am so honored and glad that we found each other in this big blogging world! You are a beautiful gal and I just started reading your blog, but I love it so far. The layout is lovely and super helpful content…and those pictures! Stunning! Keep doing you, I can’t wait to chat more!

Now more on to this tag! My dear friend Cheila (Pink For Days) created this tag to welcome new bloggers into the community. Here is a note from her:

“Dear bloggers, my name is Cheila and I blog over at pink for days. I would love to get to know you and your blog, so feel free to stop by and leave a link. I would be happy to read your posts and to support you in any way I could.”

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Here are the rules… 

  • Say who created the Tag and provide a link to their blog;
  • Do a blog post showing your Tag;
  • Add the logo to the post;
  • Always thank the person who nominated you, provide a link to their blog and, if you like, say something positive and supportive about their blog;
  • Choose 5 bloggers that you don’t know very well or that are just starting their blog;
  • Go over to their blogs and read a few posts, like and comment;
  • Say 3 things you love about their blogs; (3 things for each blogger);
  • Those 5 bloggers are automatically nominated to do the same!
  • Nominate two bloggers who have been doing this for a longer time! (you get 7 nominees). Don’t forget to let them know you’re nominated them!

Bloggers that I am nominating:

Eve England – Geek Chick HQ: I just discovered Eve’s blog and I instantly fell in love with it. Her writing captivates you and she is also a fellow geek! Win Win! She also is a fellow endometriosis warrior, she is inspiring me to share my story as well. You should check her out!

Kate – Good Honest Truth: I also just found Kate’s blog, her mocha donut pictures had me drooling and I just had to learn more about this gal. She has relatable posts on life, especially when you are feeling over-whelmed. I promise you will enjoy her blog as well! Head on over 🙂

Cee – Cee’s Photography: I found Cee last week (I believe) through photo challenges. The gal has a great eye, provides helpful tips and encourages you to expand your skills as a photographer. Additionally, if you participate in her challenges, she makes sure to comment about them, she is wonderful! To see some great photos and if you want to challenge yourself and participate in her challenges, check her out.

ClumsyandSilly: ClumsyandSilly is a fantastic writer, I love reading all their posts/poems. I feel that I connect with a majority of them and feel many others would too! I encourage you to take a look and spread the word!

Buffy Devane: Buffy is also fantastic with his words and poetry. Additionally, he is someone who “get’s it” in regards to anxiety and depression :). Mix it all together and you have stumbled upon a great blog that many with anxiety can relate to. If you are one of those fellow souls, please go take a peek!

 


I hope you have enjoyed this bonus tag post! It would be great if you can carry this tag on as it is new!

xoxo,

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Monday coffee with… Ratrina??

Good morning/afternoon all!

I hope you all had a good weekend! I had plans to do things around the house….and really that just did not happen. My allergies are kicking my butt and I felt pretty damn blah most of the weekend from it.

I did hang out with Caterpillar, things have been on the up and up lately and that makes me happy. I can only do my best and see where it goes, right? AKA: baby steps with a guard up. He is a newer photographer and he moved into a new studio space this weekend! This is huge as he has only been “in the game” if you will – for a little over a year. I am so proud of him and his progress that my heart was exploding. I think once he builds his client list, he will be in a much happier space. I feel creative minds can suffer when they are in a mundane job full time. So here is to him and hoping that these good vibes keep going.

Don’t worry, I took some time for me too! Some self care time…with some pizza. I ignored my phone unless necessary. Unplugging-ish is so nice from time to time. I set specific alerts for the important people, so I only looked when I felt the need.

I also picked up a sketch pad for the first time in years, to truly give it a real shot again. It was Nerve-racking. It clearly it is one of those skill sets that is a “use it or lose it” case because it was stressful, I hated the first line and I erased more than I sketched haha. I used to paint and draw sooo much and I just let it fall to the wayside -ugh. One of my goals is to try to build it back up again – we will see and I will of course share that process with you!

So some news – today marks 5 years at my job. I am not sure if I am really happy about it but I did get an increase, so yay!? I treated myself to a fabulous caffeinated beverage from Starbucks…I have a new name today as you can see from my featured image – Ratrina?? Something happened with that “K” is all I am saying haha! I have also been Catrina, which I let slide. I have also been Casandra. Not sure how I feel about this new one though haha.

NOWon to you!!! Tell me how your weekend went! I will also accept any ramblings, rants, random facts etc that you may have!

Thank you for reading!

xoxo,

My Life in Pictures :)

Hello friends! Since I enjoyed sharing some of my pictures of my pups, I wanted to show you more! I have been rummaging through my Google Photos to find some of my favorites that remind me of my crazy day-to-day, Ohio and other random things that I decided to take a photo of. I hope you enjoy them and perhaps even learn more about me from what I take pictures of! Enjoy!

 

***All photos are mine, please do not use without my permission***

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#packlife Sydney, Barley and Ana
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This view stopped me while wandering around in the art building where Caterpillar’s studio is housed
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Columbus Blue Jackets!
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Sometimes I hang out at the skate park…with that comes maintenance. These guys crushed it
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Some date nights require Legos
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Sightings around my work – Columbus, OH
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I love Alice in Wonderland…in case you did not notice. Mashup of Legos and Alice!? Be still my heart! This was one random late evening.
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Break times with Ana
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I buy myself flowers and catch hitchhikers
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This is in the alley by my work and fave pizza joint
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Skate park – Columbus, OH
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Spring – Columbus, OH
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Huntington Park, home of the Columbus Clippers
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Sydney
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“Heads up, blind dog coming through!” She was the center of attention while getting supplies for the home
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Growing up
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Sunshine, Jameson and ginger ale
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Columbus, OH
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Mantis vs. Bee
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Barley
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Feel better roses – RIP
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I had a green thumb for 5 min last year
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Hocking Hills – Logan, OH
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Kat attracting stray cats?
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“Let me sing you the song of my people…for the pizza” – Barley
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Red Panda munching – Columbus Zoo
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Hustle and Bustle – Columbus, OH

 

Monday coffee fueled thoughts! 

Hello friends & happy Monday!

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Tis a grey, gloomy day in Columbus, OH. I have thrown down my vitamin d gummies (like a REAL adult..ahem) and currently enjoying a large coffee. Essentially with that combo, I should be ready to take on the world soon!

How was everyone’s weekend? Did you do anything new or exciting?

I did a lot of “adulting” things I guess you could say – I am all caught up on laundry and cleaning. There is something so soothing about a clean space, I need to stay on top of it more…. Cluttered space = cluttered mind and I say NO MORE!

I am feeling better emotionally this week – knock on wood. I am hoping to keep it that way. Thanks again for all your support last week friends ❤ you are the best! I did not realize that I needed a damn battle helmet to start/get through last week. Had I known, I would have worn it with pride…and accessorized it accordingly.

With all of last week’s aftermath still floating around in my head, I am thinking about trying to expand my self-care list. Mine is rather small and includes: basking in sun when available in Ohio and blanket cocooning with Netflix playing in the background to recharge. I clearly need to try some more options, before I turn into a full blown hermit! So with that that in mind, What is your favorite self care tip/activity?? Hopefully by sharing, we will all try something new!


I hope everyone has a great start to the week, talk to you soon!

❤️❤️❤️

Fun fact Friday! A little more about me! 

Friday Fun Facts About Me!

Hello friends and happy Friday! 

I was thinking about today’s post and there was something about “fun fact Friday” that called out to me. While looking or some prompts, I found this lovely blog from Thought Catalog: “50 questions to ask a girl, if you want to know who she really is.

I thought it was a great list and will help give you guys a little more information about me! Win win! So here we go:

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person?

  • Something that made me stronger was…when my ex of almost 6 years, whom I was engaged to up and left me the first week of December in 2015. We had just purchased a house, had 2 dogs and everything was going well – as far as I knew. We had been friends for 12 years and most of those he was my “best friend.” Having to gather the strength to become a single home owner, care for myself, the pups and figure out how I was going to afford life with my income was a huge hurdle. He also did not tell his parents, so when Christmas came around and they were expecting us, I got the call from his mother…which I had to tell her. I had to tell everyone, his family, mine and friends. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through and yet, I was kind to him…for a while J. Abandonment is hard – without closure and having to handle everything on my own, including calling the wedding vendors (thanks for those non-refundable deposits guys)! Ugh! He also left everything of his, so I got to pack and sort it all….donated a lot and got a few bucks from selling his things after his “notice” came and went. I am much stronger than I thought I could ever be, but I still have a few trust issues till this day. They are getting better but – that fear is still there.

2. What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak?

  • The above situation made me feel very weak, but also having men still break up with me or leave me post that incident makes me feel weak, like something is wrong with me. At the end of the day, I know I did the best I could but those days do come from time to time.

3. Where is one place you feel most like yourself?

  • Curled up in a blanket in my home or with my loved one.

4. Where is your favorite place to escape to?

  • Home, bookstore, craft stores, cuddling with pups, walking in nature and cuddling with my other….or whatever he is.

5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today?

  • Most of my life, I had to be independent or the “adult”. I am the one that my family (including parents) comes to in a crisis and always been that way. Same with my friends so honestly, I am who I am today because of me really. My mother taught me the importance of a credit score when I was like 12 so I can thank her for that I guess J.

6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

  • I wish that I could vocalize my feelings more efficiently…or understand my own thoughts and emotions better. That way I can express them to the ones who may be causing me stress. I feel that most of the time when I try, I do not get my point across or they just do not understand…or I end up leaving out parts or words and it’s just a mess haha. I can understand and assist others no problem, I just have issues with me.

7. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first?

  • Go to a beach

8. What decade do you feel you most belong in?

  • This is a tough one; I have an old soul for sure. Perhaps the 50s?

9. Who are you closest to in your family? Why?

  • My family is not really a “close” family if you will. If I had to pick one, my oldest brother.

10. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best?

  • My therapist 😀 haha um that is a tough one as well…not too many people know everything about me, I am pretty private and only share certain things with certain people – know your audience! If I had to pick someone, it was probably my ex-fiancé, with that much history, he knew everything about my crazy self and complicated family.

11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend?

  • That she is opposite of me, she is an extrovert, bold and forward, it’s a good balance.

12. When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grew up?

  • Well known photographer, I wanted nothing more than to capture motocross action shots (I have been riding dirt bikes since I was 5) or nature.

13. If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be?

  • A mix of Tina, Louise & Linda Belcher from Bob’s Burgers 

14. Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments?

  • They are really nice to hear because I am really hard on myself but I just don’t know what to say…. usually an awkward “thank you” with some weird nonsense follow up. I wish I was better at them haha.

15. Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical?

  • I have struggled with this but with the support of my fellow blog fam & a few close people supporting the idea…I love that I am a bleeding heart. I will do literally anything/anytime/any place for the few close to me. I will continue to give limitless love and support for my small circle. While they are not the same and it is not as accepted, I am happy to say at the end of each day – that I did my best for whomever.

16. What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself?

  • I have grayish eyes

17. What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself?

  • See question #15!

18. Do you believe in love at first sight?

  • Love is such a complex thing. It involves humans who come with their own shit and backgrounds that love at first sight does not fit in my world. I am a HUGE hopeless romantic, don’t get me wrong there…but love takes time. You have to find that person who balances you and stays next to you on the wild roller coaster of life. I feel there can be a connection but not love at first sight.

19. Do you believe in soul mates?

  • Ah, a good question Thought Catalog! I blogged about this previously, I do not fully believe in soul mates – again love is complex. As unromantic as it is, love is hard work and a choice to me. Find that partner in crime that best fits you or “your kind of crazy” and you are good to go J.

20. How seriously do you take horoscopes?

  • I don’t really take them seriously. I will check mine every once in a while out of curiosity but to me they are all very vague and depending on your mood – no matter what they say, you will find something to identify with if you are looking for something in particular. I will say traits of my sign if you will are more relatable. Apparently my Taurus stubbornness is a real thing haha.

21. Have you ever been in love? How many times?

  • I think love is different at various life stages. I have been in love and I am one to love easily and hard for ones I feel that connection with… so I would say I have been in love a couple times at different levels. One time at a very deep level…eh!

22. What makes you fall in love with someone?

  • I tell people that I fall in love with souls. Some of my friends are more into the physical aspect, I am more on the side of: if we connect on a level and I feel comfortable to be myself 100% I will love harder than anything in this world. Example, if he gets my anxiety and weird quirks without running away and if they have them too!? That level of understanding and acceptance is love to me.

23. What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable?

  • Opening up to someone 100%, without fear of judgment of your past, family issues, your habits, passion, falling in love with someone so deeply that they have the ability to crush you…but trust they wont.

24. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to?

  • What do you love about me? The fear is the reply will be an awkward pause and nothing really came to mind.

25. If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do?

  • I really have no idea on this one? I guess

26. What do you find most attractive about each sex?

  • Men– Their strength yet their ability to be vulnerable at times, Women – Their strength as well but with the ability that some can do it in 5 inch heels!

27. What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about?

  • I love to learn in general… music, backgrounds, religions, coping skills, hobbies etc. anything and everything.

28. What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do?

  • Move to a warmer state or have a warm get-away home

29. Why haven’t you done it yet?

  • Money! One day!

30. If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be?

  • Open my own coffee shop

31. If you had off from work today, what would you do?

  • Sleep in and hibernate from the snow!!

32. What was the last thing that made you cry?

  • Feeling lonely and unloved

33. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

  • A dog pun from Caterpillar

34. What is your favorite memory?

  • Humm… I will get back to you on  this one!

35. What’s the last thing that REALLY embarrassed you?

  • My friend was starting a new yoga class and me being the hater of exercise decided to send a meme of yoga poses with “new names” if you will. For example, the one I told her that I related to and the only one I really paid attention to on the chart of like 9 was the “murder victim.” This pose is the one where you are laying down and looks like a stellar napping pose. Well, it turns out the 2 directly above it, that I somehow did not focus on were called: The Crotch Opener and the Suck my D*** Pose. When she replied with “oh my…” I rechecked my meme and about died. That was HORRIBLY crass…my bad. Lesson of the day, read the entire thing before sending off hahaha.

36. What is your biggest fear?

  • Currently: never getting married or having a life partner to share life with or have a family with. 

37. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one?

  • Humm I try not to think on regrets, everything shapes us – right?!

38. Have you ever broken a law? If you haven’t what is one law you’d love to break?

  • Nothing outside of traffic violations

39. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

  • I try to play life safe…but my back is pretty much covered in tattoos. To some that is crazy, other than that taking on massive hills on dirt bikes for years.

40. Would you have a conversation with a stranger?

  • I am kind of a shy gal, I will chat occasionally but I keep to myself

41. Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe? Or their dress tucked into their underwear? (Or anything else that is embarrassing to be seen in public)?

  • Yes because I would want someone to tell me!

42. What’s your favorite joke?

  • I do not really have one, I just like puns haha

43. Are you a dog person or a cat person?

  • Dog

44. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?

  • Red Panda or Koala

45. What’s one show, movie, or book, you’re embarrassed to admit you enjoy?

  • I have watch Gossip Girl occasionally on Netflix…

46. How do you think your parents would describe you as a child?

  • Quiet/shy

47. If you could go back to any age or time of your life, what age or time would it be?

  • 27 so I could tell that mofo “no” so I could have avoided a huge disaster

48. What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does?

  • That we have connections with people/souls love certain souls more than others

49. What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people?

  • I embrace my inner child and encourage others to do so too. Life is too stressful at times not to. 

50. What is one thing you feel your life is missing?

  • Stability, I just don’t feel it that much anymore. Granted I have a great job that supports my little home and 3 pups, has great insurance and I am able to pay my bills etc. However, I just feel like I am missing that person in my life that would fight for me, like I do them.