Hello friend!! This is your welcome sticky note!

Welcome to my rather erratic blog, I am so glad that you are here!!

 

First, thank you for stopping by my little corner of the interwebs 😁. If this is your first time here, I hope you can find something that you enjoy and I encourage you to drop a comment (or use my contact form) to introduce yourself! I would love to meet you and know what brought you to my little rabbit hole! ❤️

 

Secondly, for my loyal readers, you know I appreciate all your love and words of wisdom though out the days – you are truly great friends!

 

Finally, if you are in the social world – please check out my pages below and follow! It is always lovely to put photos to names!

Instagram | Pinterest | Bloglovin’

OR if you prefer, you are more than welcome to contact me on Google Hangouts or email at: diaryofthemadkatter@gmail.com 🙂 I look forward to hearing from you!

Love,
Kat🐇

2018 Feels

Hello dear long lost friends!

It turns out, that my goal to start off this year with more posting…has failed a bit. Never fear, I have a planner and will literally be penciling in time to blog. I miss it, the cathartic typing and friendships. I do hope your new year, is going well!

So, what has 2018 brought me? So far… in the whole 12 days that is has been:

  • Revived creativity – I used to draw. I used to paint. Hell, even doodling has gone to the wayside. I have always enjoyed art. I remember vividly my elementary art teacher Ms. Epstein I believe (whew that was a long time ago). Anyway, explaining the color wheel, the feel of sketch paper, watercolors overflowing their precious wells by eager kids! I remember tackling clay, which was never my strong point. I ended up just calling it and made a worm, 3rd grade maybe? It’s a little too fuzzy there, regardless she was the only art teacher. I think she was damn proud 😉 jk. Anyway, I have not lifted a paint brush in probably 2 + years? It is time to rebuild my skills, which is terrifying but necessary. I am going to challenge myself to do something creative every week. Let’s hope I can stick to it (so many things to work on haha)!

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  • Crisis Counseling – This is something that I HAVE been doing :). It has been a roller coaster for me but I could not be more proud. I am still getting my bearings, there is a lot to learn and I try “studying” or creating little cheat sheets every day to strive for excellence. As you can imagine, it is very different each time that I log on so I try to note as much as you can.
  • Crisis Text Line seems to be popular with the younger humans and to hear their struggles and pain – I just want to reach right out and hug them. We know that I struggle with anxiety, so you could only imagine the first time that I logged on to help *CUE PANIC*. The first one, right out the gate – self harm.This was something that I struggled with when I was younger, so I got IT. My empathetic soul was crushed to hear the pain BUT at the end of the conversation, they were safe. That is what we strive for “moving from a hot moment to a cool calm.” Being there for someone who is on the verge – is soul touching.It is not easy. These topics are tough for people who are “mentally healthy” if that is a thing? I have seen the words or phrases during my time (only like 3 weeks) – gun, hanging, pills, cutting, suicide, trans, disappear, everyone would be better off without me, stress, loneliness, pain, bullying (social media and in person), others telling the texter to go kill themselves, heartbreak and concerns for their own loved ones.Holy feelings – right? The line is anonymous unless they want to share, I think this why they feel comfortable to share things that they would never with friends or family. For all surrounding the texter, they could just be chatting with a friend – but really, they are reaching out for help. It is truly great and the data that comes with it, will help better the world. I love data, if you are interested in US mental health trends by state etc – please take a look at this site: https://crisistrends.org/ .

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    You just scroll down, pick a state or all & the crisis type to see where each state lands and how that choice has trended over the years and down to the weekday.

    Additionally,  at the bottom of the screen, you can pick a crisis topic to generate the top 35 words used when people have texted in. For example “anxiety” populated words such as – better, bad, try, friends, mom, anything, trying, need, people & scared.

    Perhaps it is just me, but I am fascinated by the information provided and we continue to build every day.  The plan is to be international – we will be starting the expansion into Canada soon. Sorry for my friends across the sea – we will get there!!

    The case pictured is one of the lines that we use often “you do not need a cape to save lives.” Volunteering has truly reflected this, we do help save lives. It may seem small – but an empathetic ear and resources can go a long way when someone is struggling <– this is in all aspects of life too 🙂 not just on our platform. Being there for a friend or even a stranger can really make a difference.

    Whew
    – I think I will wrap up this ramble because I could keep going. I did want to drop in and share my experience so far. I will continue to update if you all are interested! My volunteering has taken up most of my evenings now and this is why I am behind!

Tell me ANYTHING!

Until next time❤️,

Kat

Catch up & 2017 Review

Still have not seen Star Wars -.-

Hello my friends! You probably forgot who I am, that is okay – I did too :).

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and perhaps you are still taking time off to enjoy it! As you should, you deserve it! My holiday was very low key – my Christmas was breakfast at my fathers, there was mention of the Foul Fowl (rip) but I was back home in no time. I spent the rest of the day living off warm spinach dip, buckeyes and pork. Basically, I cooked more in one day, than I have in a month hahaha. The buckeye process turned into a beer drinking/buckeye making ordeal towards the end… Ahhh life is good.

Guys, its almost 2018. I am not sure where this year went, as I am saying more as I get older. Blast you elders that spoke those lines to me as a younger, naive gal! So as usual, I reflected on this while you know, my furnace was being worked on, because you know – why wouldn’t my furnace act up when its like 17 degrees outside? This is my life ladies and gents and also my Christmas present from said house…. still not over that but happy to report that I have consistent and warm air now *crossing fingers*

ANYWAY back to 2017 – I am proud of a few things for this year:

  • Friends – who have been there for me no matter what (it has been a rough 2 years?) – especially lookin‘ at you Honeydukes & of course ALL of my blog friends too ❤
  • Blog – I started this blog in February, so almost a year now – w.t.f. While My views and posts have gone down, this is something that I am still very proud of and hope to get it back into high gear after the new year!
  • Home – still a homeowner, I kept my shit together another year as a single dog mom homeowner – YES!
  • Strength – while I am still working on this one, I am definetly stronger than I was before – I am a WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!
  • Crisis Counseling –  This I am so proud of and I could not have done it without the help of my close friends and their references. They took me in, trained me and now I am a baby chick if you will – trying to help younger people. My heart does break for these little souls but I will be strong for the both of us. It truly makes me happy.
  • Mental Case – well, I had a long depression spell and I am still currently climbing out of it. I lost my therapist of 2 years, gained a new one and still in that weird “get to know you” phase. It’s hard to explain. However, she has helped me feel more awake and alive with the med adjustment – so that is something I am grateful as well..I am still here too!
  • Matters of the Heart – roller coaster, that is legit the best way to sum it up. However, I know my limits as a person and I will stand my ground when needed and that is something that I don’t think I would or could have done in previous years. So, growing :). Baby steps but, I am getting there.

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So, I made it out alive…so far – there are few days left! Please share your thoughts on this past year. What stands out to you!? Do tell PLEASE!

Until next time,

Kat

 

 

It’s Wednesday, but it feels like a Monday.

Hello friends! 

Well, my sinuses are angry and I have been under the weather. I blame the Ohio weather 😊. I hope you all are doing well!

Let’s see where shall I begin…

  • Crisis line – I had my first shift as a Crisis Counselor so I have officially completed training, I even have a PDF certificate to say so haha. I’m not going to lie, it was tough. First of all, I’m anxious by nature and second of all, my first texter was someone who self harmed. I wanted to do my best, but new to the software, new to this whole thing and eventually, they stopped responding. I just hope they are okay. Of course, I have been trained but still – it was hard. Also, this can happen for numerous reasons – so I am trying not to think of the worst!I will say that my shift got easier, the next texter that I received was someone who was struggling with anxiety – I GOT YOU! So that one flowed a little easier as it was not as intimating. At the end of the convo, she thanked me and stated that she felt better – not 100% but better with her new resources and steps. So, whew! I made it and ended on a good note.Since then, I have been making cheat sheets to help me become the most efficient counselor there is. I also love this organization so much that I wanted to share our recent article in the New York Times – so please if you could take a minute to see what we are all about there and check out some of our videos, I think it provides great information – for everyone.

https://static01.nyt.com/video/players/offsite/index.html?videoId=100000005178504 


Other that, life has been going by quickly. Christmas is right around the corner and I am not ready. Even though, I have only a few people that I care about to give to haha. I am such a list minute person. Ooops.How about you, how is your Christmas planning going? Do you have any favorite traditions to share?Until next time!Kat 

One of those days.

Hi all.

I apologize that this is going to be a bit of a downer post so, if you don’t want me to kill yo vibe, you may want to keep scrolling :).

I have thought about how I wanted to start this, but it’s hard because I’m a mess if I’m being honest. So it may be like a journal with bullets and it maywill be a mess. Thank you all for being there.

Let’s see, how am I doing. Well, while the world around me is setting up there their Christmas lights, enjoying that cheer and looking forward? To family and plans. I have never felt so alone. But I have 3 doggos to help smother me with love I guess.

Assumed causes of hysterics

  • I have probably had maybe 10 hours of sleep in the past 2 almost 3 days now. Tonight is not looking much better.
  • My anxiety is through the roof and with the new meds, it feels odd. I feel odd.
  • Disturbance in the relationship force. Which landed me into picking up my things from Caterpillars apartment tonight. I don’t know what the hell is going on there. I can’t even think about it anymore.
  • Turns out my ex-fiancé’s good friend now works as HR at the local store in my small town. Since I have not seen him in a bit, I wasn’t sure but I totally saw him the other day and immediately looked away and scurried. Yes, scurried out the door to the safety of my car. Today I was not so lucky. There was no option to scurry. There I was, after work, red eyes and looking a damn mess (of course due to the above) grabbing dog kibble and ginger ale. You know, the necessities at this point. Kibble in the bowls and the good ole ale to try to settle my stomach. He caught me, as I was putting the exact change in my check out kiosk- I heard “Katrina” I looked around, didn’t see anyone that I knew, perhaps the lack of sleep is getting to me. Then I heard it again and there he was – fuck. I hate chit chat as is. This literally made me want to fake my death, pass out, stab myself in the eye, die, have sudden amnesia or run out the door like an adult but there I was. This conversation goes: Him: How are you?You still live around here? Me: yea. Him: Living with parents? (I’m sorry what), no I own a house here. Him: oh, by yourself? Me: yes. Him: oh well that’s not good. Thanks buddy. Him:Well I will see you around! Fucking great. Now I must pack up my dogs and live on the beach because I’m a damn mess and this sounds like the only logical thing to do. So I take my ass home.
  • I have probably cried enough over the past few days to make a river for some fellow creatures to live in. For some reason I picture a little mouse with a paper boat. Which probably sounds crazy but that was the image that popped up. Sooo I guess cried my body weight is probably a better description. They are the ugly tears too. You know that horrid face you make when the world seems against you? That smile, weird thing..The ones with the gasps. Yup. Those. Because that was the only thing I could do.
  • I did make it to work though despite my lack of sleep and hysterics – hooray for small victories. Little did I know my evening would be worse. I took my work day peace for granted.
  • I should have stayed in bed.
  • All I wanted was to come home and go to bed but that didn’t happen.
  • Living alone is deafening when you’re blah. All I hear is ringing in my ears.
  • It’s hard not to think you’re the problem when everyone leaves you.

So…thanks life. I appreciate you testing me, to make me strong – but fuck man. Can we please not pile up on me, especially while recovering from a recent depression episode Like, space it out a bit eh!? Okay, thanks.

So, I am finally in my bed. My pups feel my radiating anxiety and witnessed a few sobs and are being extra lovey. I don’t know where I stand with Caterpillar, I don’t know how to fix things or if I want to. I want to have all the answers, but that would be too easy. I guess, I just needed to vent because I needed another way to figure out these thoughts exploding in my head.

I hope you all had a better Monday and I hope Tuesday is even better.

Thank you for listening.

❤️

Update

Hello my friends ❤

I hope you all are doing well, had a wonderful holiday and following week. It has been a bit crazy lately so I wanted to pop in to say, I am still kicking and to post a quick update ☺️

The Good:

– I have officially finished my Crisis Counseling program 🙏🏻. I am scheduled for my first shift next Sunday! It has been hard work, but I am looking forward to helping others. I think it will be good for my soul too.

– I survived Thanksgiving 🦃. My family is not too close and holidays have been tough over the years due to split family and my lovely seasonal depression. So, I was adopted in by Honeydukes for the day and had a lovely, normal and fabulous holiday.

– Wellbutrin has helped me tremendously. Of course the adjustment period was a bit rough but I am living a more “normal” life. You know, like not lying in bed all the time. I am actually maintaining a household and myself for the first time in a while. It is amazing how knowing/saying that “I went to the grocery store versus going home to bed” is a big deal and achievement for some. Depression is a hell of a bitch and life sucker. I also have cleaned my work desk and stayed on top of my duties there for the first time in a while, my head feels clear to do so. #adultaward

– My “not so lady lump” has officially disappeared. Thank goodness.

The Bad: – Wellbutrin still causes some shakes and some sleep disturbances but I am figuring it out. Sadly, I have to cut back on my caffeine intake so I don’t shake like a leaf and so I can actually sleep 😐.

The Ugly: – The foul fowl is no longer an issue… ahem.

That’s about it as if right now, I should be more active now that I do not have weekly assignments 🎉 .

How was your holiday friends? Are you decorating for Christmas?

Until next time,Kat

WPC – Experimental

Hello my lovely blog friends! I am trying to post more than one freaking time a week – I promise to get my shit together :).

Here is my first photo challenge in a while, the theme is experimental.

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October 31, 2017

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Who are you gonna call?

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October 31, 2017

 

Experimental

 

❤ Kat

The day that turkeys bullied me…

Hi friends!

Of course, I have been a bit busier with my Crisis Training lately and my blog has fell wayside…like I meant to write this Sunday evening (when I was still traumatized) and it is now Wednesday…sooo go me? Anyway, some of you may remember my turkey incident… or what I call the Fowl Foul.

Now, on to the day that I let a turkey bully me… (again)

There I was, on day 3 (Sunday) of nothing but pure relaxation, endless snacks and the house all to my self… this never happens and I lived it up by really doing nothing and enjoying my home without family invaders…ahem.

Anyway, I hear that lovely chime from my phone and immediately groan..who the fuck is bothering me on my day 3 of solitude!? Oh, my father – my bad. It turns out, I made the mistake of committing to a dinner at his place that evening- oops totally forgot. He must have caught me in a moment of weakness, you see we are not that close and really, I was pissed that I had to leave my cocoon, wear pants, talk to people – let alone family after a good weekend of not having to do anything – I was on no one elses time, no other commitments…except this dinner. I figure, well it has been a few months, perhaps I will just suck it up and go. I am sure some of you understand this feeling right?

Well, the time rolled around for the dinner before I knew it. I arrive promptly on time and as I understood, you know we would actually be eating around the time given…oh silly me. So as I pull in, I am met with the monstrosity of feathers and anger….and yes my friends…it was him again and I literally mumbled…”ah yes, see this is why I don’t come here…fuck.”

For my people that have had the lovely experience a turkey up close, they are much bigger than I imagined. I apparently forgot this little fact and the turkey – I don’t know how you forget a pissed off tank of a turkey but I did. UGH

So, I am terrified of birds – just ask any of my friends who has been walking around with me and in flies this rogue bird at my face or within 10 feet of me, I will expel some what of a screech? An eek? I am not sure what to call it, but the anxiety levels go through the roof and its all a mess.

Now back to my story! So…. I pull up and park, text my father because that is the only person that jerk of a turkey really listens to? Alpha turkey probs? I don’t know so as I am doing this, Tank and his now 2 other family members come up TO MY CAR. Like to my driver’s door and so I sent the following:

Dad, your turkey is staring me down and planning to kill me. No, really – he is at my window all puffed out staring.”

Apparently my father was not even home, he had to go to the grocery store…….so. It was me, Fowl Foul and 3 other feathered friends lurking around my car. So, I decide – well this is where I die because I am not getting out of this car. So I start coming up with scenarios…

  1. Do I try to shoo him off? I mean it is a bird, I am a human..I mean… right? No that is just silly. That bastard is half of me easily.
  2. Consider taking out the turkey with my car if he gets too crazy…but I have a Honda Civic now and well, that bird would prob destroy my low car (ahh I miss my old crossover).
  3. Just leave, I mean dinner was not even started and he was not even there… rude. But my father said he was on his way.

So I stayed and continued the stand off, then I think who the hell just has turkeys roaming..but really it is more common than my desperate thoughts are going.

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The Stare Down (exhibit A)

After seeing that photo, can you agree that he was just waiting to take me out? The bird paced in front of my door and not in a kind way – if that exists. The fluffed up feathers and those evil beady eyes gave him away. Also… I am convinced he smelled my fear.

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(exhibit B)

After an eternity of thinking about who is going to take care of my dogs after I am taken out by a raging asshole turkey. My father finally pulls in and I breathe a little bit better. Fitting for the story, he hops out of his truck chuckling as he sees me in the car. He was able to contain said turkey and or try to give me tips to handle him if needed.

I am sorry, tips? I am not going anywhere near that tank of feathers. I am convinced he has ticks in his coop for every child, dog, human and or deer he has prob eaten. Just takes a talon and just claws another and he wanted me to be the next.

So he handles the turkey and I run inside haha and after everything calms, the dinner begins, drinks were had and my father shared a lovely conversation over some nice pasta and boozy beverages. Until something catches my eye toward the porch screen door….oh my effing god the turkey went up the stairs and was staring at me through both doors, it was something in a horror movie, I kid you not. I did not get a photo because I was shocked and as the words “uhh dad, you have a turkey at your door” left my mouth….so he continues to shoo said turkey off and we continue about this…uhhh… lovely dinner.

After my father sat back down, he nonchalantly says “I don’t know why that turkey is like that. Maybe I will just slaughter him on Sunday.”

I about choked on my pasta.

I was like, well dad that is great dinner conversation, not that I am not all for this and perhaps he will make a fine roasted dinner? But I did not want to hear it over pasta or at the dinner table?

This is my family.

It is like venison or any other meat that we consume, right? I personally don’t care for the back story of my dinner. Perhaps I should consider different diets, considering my lab results haha.

Anyway, I added on – how much does that turkey way out of curiosity. “well the last time we weighed him he was 65-70 or so pounds.”

My mind races with: ummm so you thought I could take on the turkey that is more than half of me… okay. I don’t mess with tiny sparrows, let alone… those things.

So thankfully plates were clearing and I had to get back to my pups. While gathering my coat and purse, I ask “now if I go out there, will that turkey be there or do these things go in the coop on a schedule?”

My father tried to reassure me that they are usually huddled up in their coop.

I assume doing turkey and other fellow chicken things, like prob poker and musing over their stories of scaring humans. Or just me, lets be honest.

Just to be safe he walked out to the porch with me and of course there he was, allll huddled (I think that is correct) on the opposite side of the stairs where I could not see him, especially in the dark. He was waiting… I KNEW IT! Which is also what I screamed as I ran into my wonderfully and purposely unlocked car.

The drive to my house is fairly short, maybe 10 or so minutes and during that time, I reflect and conclude….. I just let a turkey bully me.

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FEAR ME!


So there you have it my friends. I wanted to share this silly story in hopes to brighten your mid week – please feel free to share your own avian stories, laugh and or comment below!

I also welcome any comments on how you are all doing as well – catch me up!

***PS – forgive me of all typos and nonsense, the story was flowing and I just did not stop***

Until next time!

Kat

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An open letter to my body

Dear Body:

We have been through this.

We decided that I would eat a veggie here and there and you would be willing to accept my feasting upon delicious baked goods…and still be healthy ahem. Right?

I rarely drink, I quit smoking – so why are you not holding up your freaking end of the deal? Is it the brownies? Is this what this is about?

Sigh.

I get some exercise! I walk a good amount, I get my cardio by chasing my lovely errant dogs (all the damn time), I lift heaps of cereal into my mouth that can be equated to a small barbell and the struggle to get out of bed to BE a human – also physically challenging (and mental) – the search for matching socks, finding those stupid undergarments, shoving each nubbly leg into pant legs (without falling and additional hop while balancing & extra cred for skinny jeans), throwing my hands in the air (like I just don’t care) to throw on whatever shirt and or hoodie that will be my battle armor for the day. SEE all of that BEFORE I even leave the house.

You have defied me body and can I just say, how dare you!

So…we knew we had a bit of a cholesterol problem from our check up last year…and maaaybe the year before. It was not really a concern, but after Saturday’s blood work, you seem to be lacking on scrubbing my arteries, BODY aka: HDL cholesterol <– get it together!

You know what, it is fine. I see the writing in the line graph that my health portal shows me… of that dreaded incline.

As if the multiple surgeries weren’t enough, of course why not add on: NO Katrina, you cannot live on cocoa puffs, Canada Dry, pizza, wine, smidge of water and cheeseburgers…but I accepted the challenge. I mean, I am still young right? My body clearly could fight back?

No body, you didn’t. YOU HAD ONE JOB!

However, I will not stick all the blame on the cholesterol. I did have that extended depression phase…but now we are better! Thank you Valeant & Pfizer for bouncing me back recently!

Anyway… now we must ACTUALLY eat better (because of your failure)…its fine. I will learn to turn my heaps of cereal into….UGH some sort of veggie perhaps. It is for the better….I guess. I will say, the way that I long at the baked goods in the display shelf may be concerning to onlookers. Perhaps they see the drooling – JK! ahem.

doggo gets it

F you. I hate you for doing this to me, but whatever – this is 29 I guess. UGH. Maybe we should work on a new deal and maybe start showing a fabulous decrease in cholesterol next year.

Sincerely,

Your skin casing – Kat

P.S.- I am still mad.

Wellbutrin Wednesday Rambles

Hello friends!

I hope your Halloween was fabulous and filled with tasty/spooky treats! Now, November is here? That means more potential family time is on the horizon – brace yourselves haha.

Here is an update on all things me:

  • Health
    • Psychiatrist
      • Good news all, I finally saw my new therapist this past Monday. I know the first appointment is terrifying and not too extensive but over all  for the first impression…I like her. She listened well, especially about my more recent depression symptoms. Guys, I could sleep all day – not even kidding. Get up to grab a snack, restroom and back to bed. Motivation? non-existent. Wanting to do anything? Even the things I love – nah. Sex drive – HA! Eat? eh sometimes… then over eat when I did & I lost count of how many times I was late to work because of all the above. So you know, the typical feelings of that black hole trying to suck you in…and it did. The lag between therapists really did not help this. So, she ordered some blood work and adjusted my meds as I fully expected since my current dosage was not working anymore. We upped my Zoloft for evenings and she added this new med called – Wellbutrin. Which… seems to be going well outside of the side effects (hate this part). It is only day 2 and while my stomach is raging with pains from the meds, I feel my energy is a bit higher already.
      • So here is to a quick med adjustment and hopefully this one wont “ghost” me after we start getting into a routine. 
    • It ain’t easy being wheezy
      • So I briefly mentioned that I had a bit of a breathing problem (asthma/allergic attack) last week. I am happy to report that I am entirely off my inhaler now but I have a follow up appointment this Saturday and lab work 😦 I hope everything turns out well.
  • Halloween
    • This is the first year that I did absolutely NOTHING for Halloween. It is my fave time of the year….and I did not even put up one decoration. I purchased a pumpkin and that is it. I peered through the window last night while the little princesses, ghouls, heroes and fictional characters roamed my streets in search of sweets but there was no stop at my home – ugh. I made a vow to crush it next year though! If I am not Lady Gaga/Edward Scissorhands status next year, someone please shake me.
    • Did you do anything fun!? Did you dress up!? Please let me live vicariously through you :).
  • Crisis Counselor Training!
    • I am SO excited to share that I started my Crisis Counselor Training Monday as well (Monday was a big mental health day) and I am so pumped. I feel like I have so much to learn on proper ways to approach people etc. but I know I can do it and soon enough, I will be helping others during crisis! YES!
  • Snow
    • I just need you to know, it snowed here already – not a lot by any means but I have seen flakes and that is not okay. End of story 😉

      Me.

Sorry for the quick update and for being behind on my comments, I will be getting back to you asap! ❤ Love you all!

-Kat

Things I Wish I Could Tell To My Younger Self

Hellllo blogosphere!
** featured image by: @dusteeoat **

I missed you all 🙂 I had a bit of a breathing issue last week – suspect allergic reaction/asthma/testing was unknown cause of trouble breathing… so I have been resting and I can say that I am officially more lively and only use my inhaler once a day now versus every 4 hours – whew! Obviously, it is always something with me in the health world, sigh. If only we came with a warranty…

Anyway today’s topic is a fun one – focusing on things that I would have told my younger self – some funny and some more serious, I am hoping it is a fun read that you all will enjoy and please feel free to add you own “things you would have told your younger self” in the comments below! Here we go…


  • The bellybutton piercing is a bad idea
    • Yes, I know it seems like it could be something fun, a bit rebellious and something to spend your hard earned Panera money on… but soon enough you will get tired of snagging that steel object on things and you WILL take it out. The kicker? You will be 29 and left with an odd tunnel in your skin that collects things… because guess what? despite what that piercer said….it never closes. Yes it did shrink, but it is still there…staring you down still….and you are damn near 30. Perhaps there are other magical buttons out there that do close…idk but just don’t do it.
    • The nose stud was okay though. It did close up, but there an indent in the cartilage though. Eh no biggie.
  • If you are not married by 30, you are not a loser
    • Yup. Here we thought, like most young ladies &/or hopeless romantics – I WILL be married by 25 and kid by 30 or I will just die (with the dramatics)! Newsflash girlfriend…relationships are HARD and not everyone has the same level of commitment and honesty as you and that is ok. It teaches us growth and hey, you make it to 29/30 without these things and you are JUST FINE. It turns out, you are more independent than you ever thought and that my dear is better for you <3.
  • Adulthood kinda sucks… no really.
    • Yes, you can FINALLY make your own decisions, have your own roof, drive your fabulous car and treat yo’ self. But in order to have these things you must work and that can bring on its own set of issues. For example, most bosses that you will have -terrible. You will be treated unfairly, you will probably be passed over on that much deserved promotion. You will have work related issues and moral issues that will come rear it’s head and man, that is when you are really tested as an adult – navigating these challenges in the work place can be like walking on egg shell mines (that is a thing right? 😉 ). Again, it helps you grow so pick and choose those battles carefully (btw this goes in all aspects of life).
    • Additionally, the hard stuff hits – to you, your family, your friends and most of the time it seems like adulthood is more of a challenge for most and most of the time. Even the most “important times of your life” typically have hurdles. In some cases, you have to fight them alone – other times you will have someone going to war with you (YES) but its the television drama stuff that you do not expect, because “it was on tv” but it does happen in the “real life” sorry… brace yourself and always be there to support your friends. Make that call or text you damn hermit!
  • You will argue with a police woman and you will be 100% wrong, when you thought you were 100% right
    • This is just something funny to share with your younger self – my goodness why would you ever do something like that. I don’t know, but it happened. Also why picking and choosing your battles – very important! You were pulled over for “drunk driving” when you were 100% sober and that offended you….so the next thing she rattled off  “did you know your tags are expired?” BS you will say, YOU would never do that, I know how this goes…it happens every year… obviously, this woman is out to get me! Well after you coherently spit fire back at her, even after she checks on my plates… I deemed her wrong. She gave me the ticket and I fumed all the way home. I precicely remember waiting in the horrible room at the BMV… I KNOW I did this and as soon as I get home, I am turning on my phone light and will just see for myself. This does not happen often friends but I was dead wrong. It turns out, she was not out to get me and I apparently dream of the BMV. Sooo I made sure to remedy it first thing in the morning and maaay have apologized out loud… I hope she heard it ;). Yup…you do that.
  • You will carry a plush dino in your purse at the ripe age of 29… all the time
    • Yes, you heard that correctly. This may not have been “cool” for most of your teen and younger adult years but there is a legit correlation for this – your 29 self conducted a survey and I will get there!
    • Let me tell you 2016 is not your year and your mental state declined to a degree that most probably would assume you were a goner. Well. You hung in there kid, with the help of therapy, medication and willingness to keep fighting – GO YOU, YOU RESILIENT UNICORN! However, things were still a bit shaky and you found this plump t-rex key-chain online and you had to have him. From that day, he has traveled in all types of purses, bags, pockets, cars, skateboards…. really you name it. Yup, you ended up with an anxiety dino. Younger me, you probably think this is a joke.. it is not. The up side? There are MANY like you. You see, due to your struggle with your mental health, you became sort of an advocate and one day while cruising social media, you realize there are a lot of people out there who also carry plush items on the day to day. Interesting right? Of course, your curious self wanted to know if there was a relation to being a plushie carrier/photographer (yes that too) and it turns out – its true. Out of 50 people that took the poll, 100% stated that their plushie was a gift or bought for the purpose of comfort during a difficult time. They just now happen to go on adventures on the day to day versus staying home – kind of interesting huh? Yup, so while it may seem crazy and the others may feel crazy too.. know you are not alone haha (this was also an FYI for all!).
      Processed with MOLDIV

      Sometimes you make ridiculous things like this WITH said dino… LOL

  • Speaking of Advocating…
    • You will be training to be a Crisis Counselor at 29 too! Look at how far you have come, while still a hermit but you are branching out and you should be proud for the work you do. By January 2018, you will be trained to help people in crisis mode – more youth focused – YES.
    • At the time of writing this, within the past month 3 people have come to you for advice on how/where to get help with their own mental health concerns, 2 were men and this is HUGE. Can I get a round of the applause for helping break that stigma! So while you may not think you will go far and that your mental illnesses may keep you from a great life, this is that “fast forward” moment to show – even small, you make a difference.
  • Eat the veggies!
    • Yup, this is your lemon body speaking. Sure – heredity may have got us good..but I mean perhaps sneaking in a veggie and perhaps a fruit possibly could have helped along the growing years. Maybe you would not be several organs lighter?! Now we will never know…

Well I feel like I will be adding more to this later but I wanted to get a post out – I missed blogging and I hope you can help me out here too. If you could tell your younger self anything…what would it be?

Take care friends and have a great weekend! ❤

Kat

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