Jury duty, pollen and rants! 

Hello friends! It’s been a few days and I miss you all! 

The only luck that I apparently have is for the draw of jury duty ….And even selected! It was an interesting experience to say the least and I would surprisingly be happy to do it again :). This is why I have gone AWOL annnnd because my allergies are now kicking my butt. 

Dear Spring: I have a love hate relationship with you. You provide me with vitamin D and happiness that I need!! However, the pollen that you throw in my face makes me look like a crazy person. I’m pretty sure that I have frightened children on the street because my eyes are watering, they are red and I just have an overall “crazy” look haha. I will push through 🙂 and dammit someone will love me. 

Speaking of love – Oyi. My heart. Things were going well with Caterpillar. I believe I annoyed him Sunday/Monday and I haven’t really heard anything since.  Granted,we have taken some days apart if you will, especially when life gets stressful. Let’s be honest, I don’t handle stress well, he doesn’t either and well….Most people haha. Better to take a breather right!? Eh. So I guess I’m just asking for good vibes here. Please send them our way! 

How do you handle your rough patches with your other? If you have anxiety, do you try to do anything different or extra? 

I’m also willing to listen to some life tips or hacks! ☺️

Humm. Let me see…I have been eating breakfast which is huge for me. I typically skip it, since Cheila has been crushing it lately with her selfcare, it inspired me – big round of applause for her!! It’s kinda silly that I often neglect my  body, even down to the basic level of breakfast. I have also been watching what I eat and been making better choices. I haven’t ordered pizza once this week! They are probably worries out me…. Perhaps I should send them an “I’m not dead” card 😂.  Humm.  

I hope everyone has a beautiful day and hope to hear from you! 

❤️❤️

Spring into it List

Hello friends! 

Today is the first day of spring here in the lovely state of Ohio. It was a rainy and gloomy day but hey – we are on the up and up! I want to say goodbye to you winter blues! HA. I MADE IT….Mostly. 

So with spring in the air – I wanted to write out a to-do list. I am hoping it will keep me as on track as my fellow bloggers. So here we go:

  1. Finish flooring 
  2. Trim my effing windows 
  3. Pick paint 
  4. Get a digital camera for my adventures and blogging 
  5. Do better with my self care schedule…Without guilt 
  6. Take and print off enough photos to cover my walls with my art
  7. Figure out my recent stubborn dog problem…🐕
  8. Hike more 
  9. Create a budget and stick with it 
  10. Learn to love me 100%
  11. Figure this Caterpillar situation 
  12. Perhaps take a road trip or some sort of vacation 
  13. Get more sun – vitamin D deficiency be damned!
  14. Exercise more & watch what I eat 🙂
  15. Plant a mini garden and NOT kill it

I think this a good start, I hope by writing it out and  sharing,that I will stick with it haha. 

Do lists help you? Especially if you suffer from anxiety? What are your big plans for spring?!

Happy Monday and hope to chat soon! Therapy day tomorrow – I’m sure I will have more to say then! Thanks for stopping by! 

❤️

Fun fact Friday! A little more about me! 

Hello friends and happy Friday! 

I was thinking about today’s post and there was something about “fun fact Friday” that called out to me. While looking or some prompts, I found this lovely blog from Thought Catalog: “50 questions to ask a girl, if you want to know who she really is.

I thought it was a great list and will help give you guys a little more information about me! Win win! So here we go:

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person?

  • Something that made me stronger was…when my ex of almost 6 years, whom I was engaged to up and left me the first week of December in 2015. We had just purchased a house, had 2 dogs and everything was going well – as far as I knew. We had been friends for 12 years and most of those he was my “best friend.” Having to gather the strength to become a single home owner, care for myself, the pups and figure out how I was going to afford life with my income was a huge hurdle. He also did not tell his parents, so when Christmas came around and they were expecting us, I got the call from his mother…which I had to tell her. I had to tell everyone, his family, mine and friends. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through and yet, I was kind to him…for a while J. Abandonment is hard – without closure and having to handle everything on my own, including calling the wedding vendors (thanks for those non-refundable deposits guys)! Ugh! He also left everything of his, so I got to pack and sort it all….donated a lot and got a few bucks from selling his things after his “notice” came and went. I am much stronger than I thought I could ever be, but I still have a few trust issues till this day. They are getting better but – that fear is still there.

2. What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak?

  • The above situation made me feel very weak, but also having men still break up with me or leave me post that incident makes me feel weak, like something is wrong with me. At the end of the day, I know I did the best I could but those days do come from time to time.

3. Where is one place you feel most like yourself?

  • Curled up in a blanket in my home or with my loved one.

4. Where is your favorite place to escape to?

  • Home, bookstore, craft stores, cuddling with pups, walking in nature and cuddling with my other….or whatever he is.

5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today?

  • Most of my life, I had to be independent or the “adult”. I am the one that my family (including parents) comes to in a crisis and always been that way. Same with my friends so honestly, I am who I am today because of me really. My mother taught me the importance of a credit score when I was like 12 so I can thank her for that I guess J.

6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

  • I wish that I could vocalize my feelings more efficiently…or understand my own thoughts and emotions better. That way I can express them to the ones who may be causing me stress. I feel that most of the time when I try, I do not get my point across or they just do not understand…or I end up leaving out parts or words and it’s just a mess haha. I can understand and assist others no problem, I just have issues with me.

7. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first?

  • Go to a beach

8. What decade do you feel you most belong in?

  • This is a tough one; I have an old soul for sure. I perhaps the 50s?

9. Who are you closest to in your family? Why?

  • My family is not really a “close” family if you will. If I had to pick one, my oldest brother.

10. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best?

  • My therapist 😀 haha um that is a tough one as well…not too many people know everything about me, I am pretty private and only share certain things with certain people – know your audience! If I had to pick someone, it was probably my ex-fiancé, with that much history, he knew everything about my crazy self and complicated family.

11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend?

  • That she is opposite of me, she is an extrovert, bold and forward, it’s a good balance.

12. When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grew up?

  • Well known photographer, I wanted nothing more than to capture motocross action shots (I have been riding dirt bikes since I was 5) or nature.

13. If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be?

  • A mix of Tina, Louise & Linda Belcher from Bob’s Burgers 

14. Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments?

  • They are really nice to hear because I am really hard on myself but I just don’t know what to say…. usually an awkward “thank you” with some weird nonsense follow up. I wish I was better at them haha.

15. Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical?

  • I have struggled with this but with the support of my fellow blog fam & a few close people supporting the idea…I love that I am a bleeding heart. I will do literally anything/anytime/any place for the few close to me. I will continue to give limitless love and support for my small circle. While they are not the same and it is not as accepted, I am happy to say at the end of each day – that I did my best for whomever.

16. What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself?

  • I have grayish eyes

17. What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself?

  • See question #15!

18. Do you believe in love at first sight?

  • Love is such a complex thing. It involves humans who come with their own shit and backgrounds that love at first sight does not fit in my world. I am a HUGE hopeless romantic, don’t get me wrong there…but love takes time. You have to find that person who balances you and stays next to you on the wild roller coaster of life. I feel there can be a connection but not love at first sight.

19. Do you believe in soul mates?

  • Ah, a good question Thought Catalog! I blogged about this previously, I do not fully believe in soul mates – again love is complex. As unromantic as it is, love is hard work and a choice to me. Find that partner in crime that best fits you or “your kind of crazy” and you are good to go J.

20. How seriously do you take horoscopes?

  • I don’t really take them seriously. I will check mine every once in a while out of curiosity but to me they are all very vague and depending on your mood – no matter what they say, you will find something to identify with if you are looking for something in particular. I will say traits of my sign if you will are more relatable. Apparently my Taurus stubbornness is a real thing haha.

21. Have you ever been in love? How many times?

  • I think love is different at various life stages. I have been in love and I am one to love easily and hard for ones I feel that connection with… so I would say I have been in love a couple times at different levels. One time at a very deep level…eh!

22. What makes you fall in love with someone?

  • I tell people that I fall in love with souls. Some of my friends are more into the physical aspect, I am more on the side of: if we connect on a level and I feel comfortable to be myself 100% I will love harder than anything in this world. Example, if he gets my anxiety and weird quirks without running away and if they have them too!? That level of understanding and acceptance is love to me.

23. What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable?

  • Opening up to someone 100%, without fear of judgment of your past, family issues, your habits, passion, falling in love with someone so deeply that they have the ability to crush you…but trust they wont.

24. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to?

  • What do you love about me? The fear is the reply will be an awkward pause and nothing really came to mind.

25. If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do?

  • I really have no idea on this one? I guess

26. What do you find most attractive about each sex?

  • Men– Their strength yet their ability to be vulnerable at times, Women – Their strength as well but with the ability that some can do it in 5 inch heels!

27. What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about?

  • I love to learn in general… music, backgrounds, religions, coping skills, hobbies etc. anything and everything.

28. What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do?

  • Move to a warmer state or have a warm get-away home

29. Why haven’t you done it yet?

  • Money! One day!

30. If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be?

  • Open my own coffee shop

31. If you had off from work today, what would you do?

  • Sleep in and hibernate from the snow!!

32. What was the last thing that made you cry?

  • Feeling lonely and unloved

33. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

  • A dog pun from Caterpillar

34. What is your favorite memory?

  • Humm… I will get back to you on  this one!

35. What’s the last thing that REALLY embarrassed you?

  • My friend was starting a new yoga class and me being the hater of exercise decided to send a meme of yoga poses with “new names” if you will. For example, the one I told her that I related to and the only one I really paid attention to on the chart of like 9 was the “murder victim.” This pose is the one where you are laying down and looks like a stellar napping pose. Well, it turns out the 2 directly above it, that I somehow did not focus on were called: The Crotch Opener and the Suck my D*** Pose. When she replied with “oh my…” I rechecked my meme and about died. That was HORRIBLY crass…my bad. Lesson of the day, read the entire thing before sending off hahaha.

36. What is your biggest fear?

  • Currently: never getting married or having a life partner to share life with or have a family with. 

37. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one?

  • Humm I try not to think on regrets, everything shapes us – right?!

38. Have you ever broken a law? If you haven’t what is one law you’d love to break?

  • Nothing outside of traffic violations

39. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

  • I try to play life safe…but my back is pretty much covered in tattoos. To some that is crazy, other than that taking on massive hills on dirt bikes for years.

40. Would you have a conversation with a stranger?

  • I am kind of a shy gal, I will chat occasionally but I keep to myself

41. Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe? Or their dress tucked into their underwear? (Or anything else that is embarrassing to be seen in public)?

  • Yes because I would want someone to tell me!

42. What’s your favorite joke?

  • I do not really have one, I just like puns haha

43. Are you a dog person or a cat person?

  • Dog

44. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?

  • Red Panda or Koala

45. What’s one show, movie, or book, you’re embarrassed to admit you enjoy?

  • I have watch Gossip Girl occasionally on Netflix…

46. How do you think your parents would describe you as a child?

  • Quiet/shy

47. If you could go back to any age or time of your life, what age or time would it be?

  • 27 so I could tell that mofo “no” so I could have avoided a huge disaster

48. What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does?

  • That we have connections with people/souls love certain souls more than others

49. What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people?

  • I embrace my inner child and encourage others to do so too. Life is too stressful at times not to. 

50. What is one thing you feel your life is missing?

  • Stability, I just don’t feel it that much anymore. Granted I have a great job that supports my little home and 3 pups, has great insurance and I am able to pay my bills etc. However, I just feel like I am missing that person in my life that would fight for me, like I do them.

 

INFJ Personality 🤔

Hello friends 👋🏻

As a complex human and since I work in human resources, I’m always looking to learn more about myself, how I work and how others work as well. 

Everyday we deal with personalities. Whether it’s our own, coworkers, friends, enemies or just a stranger that you chat with at the coffee shop. With all the daily interactions, I think it’s safe to say that we have had good and bad experiences. For example, you’re assigned a project with a couple of your coworkers and we all see the differences first hand. You can have the overbearing, the shy and the lazy all in one group if you’re lucky and WOW it can be stressful! 

Let’s be honest, some personalities just clash. 

Additionally, in my work, we find it helpful for managers to take a personality test so they can be more aware of their traits and how they can effectively communicate and lead their subordinates. 
Since I am a curious gal, I took a personality test myself at 16Personalities.com 

I took it several times…just in case but after many trials, I am clearly an INFJ. I took a little slippet from the site and pasted it below. I think over all, I agree! 

If you are curious of wtf an INFJ is… Please read below! Or if you are more eager to know more about you, head on over to http://www.16personalities.com and see what you are! I would love to hear if you agree with your results, comments or personality  humor!

__________________________________________

ADVOCATE PERSONALITY (INFJ, -A/-T)

The Advocate personality type is very rare, making up less than one percent of the population, but they nonetheless leave their mark on the world. As members of the Diplomat Role group, Advocates have an inborn sense of idealism and morality, but what sets them apart is that they are not idle dreamers, but people capable of taking concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting positive impact.
Advocates tend to see helping others as their purpose in life, but while people with this personality type can be found engaging rescue efforts and doing charity work, their real passion is to get to the heart of the issue so that people need not be rescued at all.

*HELP ME HELP YOU: Advocates indeed share a unique combination of traits: though soft-spoken, they have very strong opinions and will fight tirelessly for an idea they believe in. They are decisive and strong-willed, but will rarely use that energy for personal gain – Advocates will act with creativity, imagination, conviction and sensitivity not to create advantage, but to create balance. Egalitarianism and karma are very attractive ideas to Advocates, and they tend to believe that nothing would help the world so much as using love and compassion to soften the hearts of tyrants.

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness. -Martin Luther King Jr.

Advocates find it easy to make connections with others, and have a talent for warm, sensitive language, speaking in human terms, rather than with pure logic and fact. It makes sense that their friends and colleagues will come to think of them as quiet Extraverted types, but they would all do well to remember that Advocates need time alone to decompress and recharge, and to not become too alarmed when they suddenly withdraw. Advocates take great care of other’s feelings, and they expect the favor to be returned – sometimes that means giving them the space they need for a few days.

*LIVE TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY: Really though, it is most important for Advocates to remember to take care of themselves. The passion of their convictions is perfectly capable of carrying them past their breaking point and if their zeal gets out of hand, they can find themselves exhausted, unhealthy and stressed. This becomes especially apparent when Advocates find themselves up against conflict and criticism – their sensitivity forces them to do everything they can to evade these seemingly personal attacks, but when the circumstances are unavoidable, they can fight back in highly irrational, unhelpful ways.

To Advocates, the world is a place full of inequity – but it doesn’t have to be. No other personality type is better suited to create a movement to right a wrong, no matter how big or small. Advocates just need to remember that while they’re busy taking care of the world, they need to take care of themselves, too.

*ADVOCATE STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES:

Advocate Strengths

    1. Creative – Combining a vivid imagination with a strong sense of compassion, Advocates use their creativity to resolve not technical challenges, but human ones. People with the Advocate personality type enjoy finding the perfect solution for someone they care about, and this strength makes them excellent counselors and advisors.
    2. Insightful – Seeing through dishonesty and disingenuous motives, Advocates step past manipulation and sales tactics and into a more honest discussion. Advocates see how people and events are connected, and are able to use that insight to get to the heart of the matter.
    3. Inspiring and Convincing – Speaking in human terms, not technical, Advocates have a fluid, inspirational writing style that appeals to the inner idealist in their audience. Advocates can even be astonishingly good orators, speaking with warmth and passion, if they are proud of what they are speaking for.
    4. Decisive – Their creativity, insight and inspiration are able to have a real impact on the world, as Advocates are able to follow through on their ideas with conviction, willpower, and the planning necessary to see complex projects through to the end. Advocates don’t just see the way things ought to be, they act on those insights.
    5. Determined and Passionate – When Advocates come to believe that something is important, they pursue that goal with a conviction and energy that can catch even their friends and loved ones off guard. Advocates will rock the boat if they have to, something not everyone likes to see, but their passion for their chosen cause is an inseparable part of their personality.
    6. Altruistic – These strengths are used for good. Advocates have strong beliefs and take the actions that they do not because they are trying to advance themselves, but because they are trying to advance an idea that they truly believe will make the world a better place.

    Advocate Weaknesses

    1. Sensitive – When someone challenges or criticizes Advocates’ principles or values, they are likely to receive an alarmingly strong response. People with the Advocate personality type are highly vulnerable to criticism and conflict, and questioning their motives is the quickest way to their bad side.
    2. Extremely Private – Advocates tend to present themselves as the culmination of an idea. This is partly because they believe in this idea, but also because Advocates are extremely private when it comes to their personal lives, using this image to keep themselves from having to truly open up, even to close friends. Trusting a new friend can be even more challenging for Advocates.
    3. Perfectionistic – Advocates are all but defined by their pursuit of ideals. While this is a wonderful quality in many ways, an ideal situation is not always possible – in politics, in business, in romance – and Advocates too often drop or ignore healthy and productive situations and relationships, always believing there might be a better option down the road.
    4. Always Need to Have a Cause – Advocates get so caught up in the passion of their pursuits that any of the cumbersome administrative or maintenance work that comes between them and the ideal they see on the horizon is deeply unwelcome. Advocates like to know that they are taking concrete steps towards their goals, and if routine tasks feel like they are getting in the way, or worse yet, there is no goal at all, they will feel restless and disappointed.
    5. Can Burn Out Easily – Their passion, poor patience for routine maintenance, tendency to present themselves as an ideal, and extreme privacy tend to leave Advocates with few options for letting off steam. People with this personality type are likely to exhaust themselves in short order if they don’t find a way to balance their ideals with the realities of day-to-day living.

        *ADVOCATE RELATIONSHIPS: When it comes to romantic relationships, Advocates take the process of finding a partner seriously. Not ones for casual encounters, people with the Advocate personality type instead look for depth and meaning in their relationships. Advocates will take the time necessary to find someone they truly connect with – once they’ve found that someone, their relationships will reach a level of depth and sincerity that most people can only dream of. Advocate romantic relationships.Getting to that point can sometimes be a challenge for potential partners, especially if they are the impatient type, as Advocates are often perfectionistic and picky. People with this personality type aren’t easily talked into something they don’t want, and if someone doesn’t pick up on that, it’s a trespass that is unlikely to be forgiven, particularly in the early stages of dating. Even worse is if a suitor tries to resort to manipulation or lying, as Advocates will see right through it, and if there’s anything they have a poor tolerance for in a relationship, it is inauthenticity.

        *IS THIS FOR REAL: One of the things Advocates find most important is establishing genuine, deep connections with the people they care about.

        Advocates will go out of their way to seek out people who share their desire for authenticity, and out of their way to avoid those who don’t, especially when looking for a partner. All that being said, Advocates often have the advantage of desirability – they are warm, friendly, caring and insightful, seeing past facades and the obvious to understand others’ thoughts and emotions.

        Advocates are enthusiastic in their relationships, and there is a sense of wisdom behind their spontaneity, allowing them to pleasantly surprise their partners again and again. Advocates aren’t afraid to show their love, and they feel it unconditionally, creating a depth to the relationship that can hardly be described in conventional terms. Relationships with Advocates are not for the uncommitted or the shallow.

        When it comes to intimacy, Advocates look for a connection that goes beyond the physical, embracing the emotional and even spiritual connection they have with their partner. People with the Advocate personality type are passionate partners, and see intimacy as a way to express their love and to make their partners happy. Advocates cherish not just the act of being in a relationship, but what it means to become one with another person, in mind, body and soul.

        *Feature photo from personality-central.com*

        Dear Sundays, I hate you. 

        Hello my friends❤️

        It is Sunday and I have spent my day wrapped in a blanket with lazy dogs surrounding me. I just hate the dread of going back to work tomorrow – ugh. Anyway , I hope all of you had a great weekend and that you all are doing well!

        Let’s see… a life recap, I really suffered after my therapy appointment. I was struggling before it and then I just fell flat on my face. I am learning to add more to my self care regiment and trying to be less critical of myself – whew! It’s hard to set new habits, so here’s to success (hopefully).

        I did hear from Caterpillar, things seem to be going better for him and us together. I’m trying to keep positive for myself, him and “us” or OK insert whatever the best word to describe us here. Love is such a difficult thing and only we know what’s best for us. So I am hanging in there for now and we will see how it goes. I am a little guarded while we go through this patch together..Ish. Depression – you are a bitch. 

        I’m going to bounce back to post therapy appointment rely quick…I did end up taking a day off work after my therapy appointment even, I received texts from coworkers asking why I was out  and saying that it was silly not to be in during an easy week etc. I just ended up ignoring them because I don’t know what to say…. Throwing out that I was so depressed, that the thought of getting out of bed to conversate with humans – made me want to stab my eyes out ….. Probably wouldn’t have been well received haha. Have any of you experienced this? What did you say? Or how did you handle those questions during your down time if you will? 

        Also one more very important question… What is your current Netflix or Hulu show of choice at the moment? I am in a rut and need some new show ideas! 

        Thank you for dropping by, this one wasn’t too exciting – I am still recovering I think.  I should be back on my feet within a couple days.  Can’t wait to hear from you! 

        ❤️

        Cramm Award 🙏🏻

        I am so happy to report that I was recently nominated by the wonderful Mintyfreshie to do the Cramm Award! 

        The Cramm Award was created by a blogger called Liv, who made a really cool website called The Cramm

        Here are the rules for this award:

        1. Include a little bit about who created this award (with a link) and mention the person the who nominated you
        2. Share 3 things that motivate you to blog and share 3 people that motivate you to blog as well
        3. Share one thing you hope to do that will improve the world
        4. Answer your challenge question
        5. Nominate 10 (or more if you want) bloggers and give them a challenge question

        3 things that motivate me to blog:

        • Health – sharing my  story, challenges and victories with others is truly therapeutic to me. I have met so many supportive and like minded people on here already and I feel truly blessed and not as alone as I thought. I like to think that my fellow supporters and sufferers of anxiety and adepression as warriors and that we are in  this together!
        • Education – WordPress contains a wealth of knowledge. I have explored many topics through discover and by browsing other blogs. Whether it’s cultural, life hacks, DIY, support or trending topics – I have so much to learn and have already. I enjoy learning about others backgrounds and reading their life progressions . 
        • Pictures – I do not travel much sadly so I can see the world through others! I love this, it had an art aspect that I respect dearly and little tidbits of info of the area. It’s beautiful to explore with you! 

        3 bloggers who inspire/motivate me:

        • Quinn – When do I get the manual?
        • Charity – Cup of Charity
        • Chelia – Pink for Days
        • And of course Mintyfreshie!

        Share one thing you hope to do that will improve the world:

        • By spreading the word of anxiety and depression, connecting with others – I hope to help break the stigma for mental illness. Even in a small capacity, I would consider that a win! 

        If you could bring one person back to life, who would it be and why?

        • Eleanor Roosevelt – She was an incredible and inspiring woman in regards to her strength, her work in politics and humanitarianism. 

        **Challenge question for my nominees!**

        Name 3 things that you love about yourself. 


        nominate: 

        • Quinn
        • Charity
        • Chelia
        • Kristen Walker
        • Ha N. 
        • Dav
        • MMoly01 
        • One-Way to Health
        • Chaos-XD
        • Rhea
        • Bexoxo

          Thanks for taking your time to read my post and super excited for my first award! I hope you all have a great evening – I will be writing a life update this weekend. 

          ❤️💋

          28 going on 40!? Today was therapy day.  

          Hello friends 👋🏻

          I had therapy today. I found a wonderful therapist last year, so it’s not nearly as painful as it once was. I think that is key – honestly. Find your match if you will ☺️. I did and find it super helpful and recommend it. If you just need that one unbiased person to help you soul searching and battle things you didn’t even know – give it a try. 

          The only downside to this, each session leaves me drained. It takes everything out of me but I guess that’s the point eh? Purge your damn soul to this person, who in turn asks hard questions about YOU. Which makes me so uncomfortable. I have no problem focusing on anyone  else, taking care of people is what I call my super power. 

          Anyway I wanted to touch base with my followers but I’m struggling to be witty at the moment so I will switch to listing the good, the bad and the ugly of my day 🙏🏻. 

          The Good:

          • I was told I have a soul of a 40 something. I find this endearing for some reason. Lol. 
          • I was not late for work today – winning. 
          • Work went by quickly and without issue. 
          • Had therapy for the first time in a while. 
          • I was told I was funny. 
          • Job. Dogs.  Roof over my head 

          The Bad:

          • Had therapy today. It leaves me drained. 
          • I’m dreading 29 reallllllllly bad right now. It’s almost 30 and I feel more alone than ever. When I wish I just had someone to battle the world next to me. 
          • It has been raining for days. 
          • I’m struggling with a lot of me actually. Which was a topic at  therapy,I need to try to be more gentle with myself. I apparently judge myself too harshly. Upon  reflection, she is probably right. 

          The Ugly:

          • I haven’t heard from Caterpillar, this has been one of our longest stretches. So I have to figure that out and what I need to do for me. 
          • When my therapist asked me what are some things that I love about me, I couldn’t come up with anything. But I told her without sun and current low  feeling, I would have no issue with this. I love me honestly, even though it seems dark right now. 
          • Fighting the feeling that “everyone leaves me” – easier said than done. 
          • Perhaps I love too much. Do I change? Idk.  

          Well. Sorry this wasn’t as cheery as I hoped, I have some reflection and homework to.  Thanks for stopping by and if you’re feeling low as well – Hang in there and I will too! *Hugs*

          More cheer and updates to come. Thanks so for hanging in there with me all. 

          ❤️

          Oh, hello rabbit hole. It’s been a while…

          I have been struggling to put my thoughts together over the past few days…

          Some other things that I have noticed over the past month: I don’t play music when I drive, or when ride the bus or during work my 9-5.

          My bed feels like the only safe place. I struggle to get though the day, come home to my three obnoxious dogs. I take care of them and sometimes myself…then retreat to comfy clothes and cocoon in a blanket. Every day.

          I don’t eat three meals or drink any water. I’m lucky to get one decent meal in       to be honest. Some days it may just be a cliff bar.

          Self care? Forget it. I don’t think I’ve brushed my hair in three days. So…

          I guess before I knew it, I slipped, fell and landed head first into the bottom of the rabbit hole… Or depression if you will. 

          Of course post breakup or whatever you want to call it – these things are natural. Staying in bed, not eating or over eating when I do. Then before I knew it, a month went by. That’s right, it has officially been a month.

          It seems like it drug by, but honestly we all know a month is not a lot of time. I have stayed in contact with Caterpillar (to view that saga – see my post “Depression within relationships…) when he initiates and things were going so well, that I even stayed with him during one of his hard days last week. Other days, I’m not so strong. I knew it would be hard…but some days – whew. I still have faith and even more than I did before but on these off days, it just feels tiring to be strong for two if you will.

          Anyway, I’m susceptible to depression. It’s been legit freezing outside or rainy and it just helps me slip into that mode with ease. I do keep up on my meds and avoid alcohol during these times. Alcohol when I’m depressed – eh takes me to a very dark place that’s takes me like 3 days to recover. Does anyone else have this problem??

          So in efforts to dig myself out of this hole and focus on gratitude and self care… I was thinking about starting a bullet journal. I jus don’t know where to start…

          BuzzFeed posted this article that inspired me and included everything that I think may be helpful.

          Do any of you use any of the topics included in the article? Do you have any product suggestions? Thoughts? Advice!? Words of encouragement!?

          Thanks so much for reading through my cluster thoughts and being the awesome readers/friends that you are.

          Xoxo,

          62f9bbbb-e173-485a-b715-f617f4b92791-1

           

          P.S. – The featured photo is from this evening…when I ordered pizza for my feelings and asked them to surprise me with something written inside the box 😂❤️. It’s the little things right?

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