Hello friends! ❤
I hope you are all doing well, I have a lot on my mind and I feel its time to catch up and perhaps I can sort through all the noise in my head. Here we go!
- Home: I have not done much since the big trim/paint marathon. I did find a cute little end table on sale, so that makes me happy. I mean it is still not put together, but I have obtained the cute side table. Maybe this weekend will be fruitful in the home updates/reorganization.
- Family: Ugh. So, its no secret that my home and or family unit is not a strong one. Most of the time, I feel like the adult and have to be the adult more than I want to. Lately, I don’t want to adult for myself, let a lone for others.
- Mother – Has been staying with me since her divorce. This was supposed to be a temporary thing…that has extended way too long. But what is a gal to do, granted it did help me a little to get back on my feet and pup coverage when I was working my self to death last year…but she is still here-ish. She has been seeing this guy for a while, she has been staying at the house less and less – so here is to hoping that works out and I have a sanctuary all to myself. But wait…cureveball
- Brother – Oh, you know those times when your siblings are having relationship or marital issues? You know when you offer to help in any way you can or offer your couch if needed….yea well that is my life right now, just with an added twist of him detoxing from pain killers (this was post injury/surgery). Which in turn, led the angry Wife of his to come on my property and cause trouble -sigh.
- But again, I am providing a safe place for my family – when I sit and wonder where my safe haven is as I am struggling here. I don’t have one. Mine is being taken over and I am not sure how to handle it..be an asshole? Support your family? I don’t know – any advice here would be appreciated. I am happy that my brother is choosing to get clean, that is awesome! Very strong of him and I am proud, I feel like I sound selfish and I feel like I should not feel like I need my space to myself when I can help others. Does that make sense?
Mental Health: Struggling big time here.
- MIA Therapist/Replacement – Since I have not made my website for matching up people to therapists yet 😉 I have been doing this the old fashioned way….seeing as I have not heard from my lovely now ex-therapist. I think I found someone who fit my requirements. I reached out to her and hoping to hear back soon, cross your fingers for me. I could use a good session and have needed one since this bs started…so what 2 months?
- Arting – I know I have mentioned trying to get back into art to help with my stupid mind errr depression/anxiety. I have been playing with it here and there and I am happy to report that I have been spending more time at the craft store and picked a new kind of art to try – Manga. This will be a challenge, as I have not dabbled too much into it before but I got a book, a fresh set of graphite and sketchbook for this. I cannot wait, stay tuned? I am hoping it helps while I am in this limbo of blahs.
- Blahs Continued – That is right, this has its own effing bullet. You know when you start seeing the changes…the ones where you are like great – we are headed for the damn deep end or that pit of despair? Yea, I have felt the progression and watched it slowly unfold despite my best efforts. I literally can sleep all day, wake up an hour (or less) to eat and pee and go back to sleep. Everything is a fucking challenge – honestly, I have no drive to do anything. I have to force myself to get up in the mornings to try to make it to work on time, but hey if I make it – I am doing good (small victories eh?), said “arting” is also a challenge to start, but I force myself. Eating? I do that occasionally. I bounce back and forth between insomnia/sleep disturbances to crashing into what I would almost consider 24/7 catatonic – there is no middle ground. So what is the issue? Why am I here, I was doing well? Do I need a med adjustment? Is there another underlying issue that I have not found yet (cue anxiety), allergies, or what the fucking fuck is the issue? Why am I struggling to do what seems to be so easy?
Well, I think that is about it for now, I should have a photography challenge post up soon. How are you all doing? How is life treating you – good? bad? get a new puppy? Have a new quote/show/blog that you are loving? Have you taken a fab picture or created something recently!? ! Let me know friends, miss you and love you all!