My endometriosis story 💛

Hello friends!

As my lovely followers, you know that I suffer from mental health issues. I have opened up with my story a little bit regarding my struggles with them but my topic today is something that I haven’t really dabbled into and is another silent disease called: endometriosis. The link provided is from The Endometriosis Foundation of America and has some great information if you are interested in learning more.  

My story:

I will never forget in January 2013, I was suffering from some severe pain in my left , lower side. I have suffered from pain each month, to a point that pain killers did not even touch the pain that I felt. So, I did not think too much about it and thought it would pass, I took some medication and went about Fuckboy’s work holiday party, I simply did not have time for this and so I sucked it up, shook hands with the bosses, smiled and chatted with their wives and tried to force the pain down a river of endless beer.

It did not help. In fact, the pain progressed over the weekend.

I somehow made it through the dreadful weekend, called my doctor first thing in the morning on Monday to be seen. Surprisingly, I was able to get in quickly if I remember correctly, but my wonderful and caring doctor dismissed my concerns initially because “I looked fine.” I appeared to not be in pain in her eyes, luckily she still took the time to do a physical exam. Where I squirmed and yelped in agony as she prodded my ovaries.

“Oh, I guess you are in pain” as she continues her cold hearted prodding to my raging insides.

She finished the exam and suggested that I get an ultrasound. She suggested that it may be a cyst. However, since they are so common and typically go away on their own, she was not too concerned; but she did go ahead, and get the ultrasound scheduled for me. Gee thanks doc for listening to me…ahem.

So this is where things started to take a turn, I was able to go to a local branch to get the ultrasound done the next day I believe (by chance). However, this time I had to drink my body weight in water beforehand and hold it for this type of ultrasound…..you could say, I was about to get up close and personal with this ultrasound tech and her not so magical wand. I did not even get dinner or even a damn lollipop post session. She was nice  though, so I guess that is all I could ask for…and perhaps a hug or additional therapy.

It turns out, I did in fact have a cyst. It was one that was solid versus the “typical ” fluid filled kind. Now, things were rushed. I was referred to a specialist/local OBGYN to evaluate and treat asap. 

We all know that I suffer from anxiety, so as you could imagine, I was internally losing my mind. What is this elusive mass on my ovary and how dare it! Causing me great pain, moving in and taking over my lady organs without paying rent or giving back at all. Quite frankly, it was just rude!

So on to the next appointment and another ultrasound…ugh. Dr. Chan diagnosed me with an endometrioma or also known as: chocolate cysts or blood cysts. At the time, she wanted to try the wait and see game. I would have a repeat ulrtrasound in about a month to see if it shrank on its own. In the meantime, I got a full blood panel done because since this was a more solid mass, scary terms like mass and cancer was being passed around. “While unlikely, it is best that we take these tests to rule out any additional concerns.”

I took a deep breath and agreed to the tests.

Listen guys, I don’t handle medical needles well. I have tattoos, mostly where I did not watch them drill my skin and for a reason. Watching someone draw my blood, especially several vials – I was feeling severely overwhelmed, anxious, and terrified. It seems that I was right over the years but here is the thing – endometriosis can only be “officially” diagnosed through surgery. While this was on the list of possibilities. I was hoping this asshole cyst would go away on its own. 

A month down the  line, the pain persisted and when it was time for my next  ultrasound, my cyst grew to the size similar to a baseball, just a little bigger. It was time to really talk about surgery. 

I spent the month between appointments researching endometriosis and what that would mean for me. I have always wanted children and I was with my long term boyfriend at the  time who also wanted children one day. How would I talk to him about this? How can I accept this? Engagement was coming close and hearing this information threw me into a depression. 

I will never forget speaking to Dr. Chan, in her little private office about the surgery. Recovery and what I wanted for my future. Worst case, she needed to know if she needed to try to save an ovary if I wanted children .  

I was 24, going on 25. Sitting alone, planning a surgery that may impact my distant life. 

I choked  out, what were the odds that my fertility would be impacted. There is no simple answer for that. 

Some people have little endo and experience great pain and fertility issues, some do not. Others have severe endo and still have babies. She would not know the severity of mine until she went in to remove my cyst and we wouldn’t know how my fertility was impacted until I were to actually start trying. 

Ideally, it’s best to try right after the surgery since the adhesions would be removed from my organs.  Again, at 25 and where I was at in life, it wasn’t going to happen. 

So then comes the thoughts – how could a man love me? Would my then significant other run for the hills? How would I bring up the topic to any future lovers. I mean, I don’t know  myself, but when do you insert the statement “oh hey, I’m not sure sure what you were feeling here…But if you want  children with me, I need you to know there may be complications.” 

Does that come after drinks a year down the line. Is that something that should be covered sooner so no one gets upset or too attached?

**I had not been had the surgery yet mind you. This was just flying through my head on my drive home, to my then boyfriend and tell him the plan and news.**

Surgery day  came, I was hangry and ready to vomit the bile that was the only thing left in my stomach. With no food after midnight and my surgery pushed to 12p. Whew. All I could think about was food. 

When the dreaded time came, I was sent off from a few loved ones and I was out before I knew it. 

I woke up  groggy, in pain and of course the news that endometriosis was indeed found. She lasered all that she could and successfully removed my cyst without having to remove any additional organs. I still had two ovaries – thank god. 

Recovery was slow. I could not wear real pants for like a month and time around the house left time to continue into a black spiral of  “being a broken woman, that no one could love long term.” 

I had a supportive partner at the time or so I thought. I sometimes wonder that if possible fertility issues was part of the reason he up and left before the wedding. But hey, we won’t spend another second on him. 

Time went on, I grew to accept that my window of “ideal” procreation came and went. I grew older and went through periods of acceptance, anger, back to depression and also periods of  “I could be just fine!”

But I have generalized anxiety and we like to cover all the grounds 😂. Post surgery, I had to start taking a continuous regimen of birth control pills to try to control symptoms of endometriosis. 

It’s been about 5 years since then and that’s kind of been the course. But now I’m facing 29, with those scary thoughts and have a sort of significant other?? 😂😳

I’m still terrified. I still wonder if I will ever  be a mother or if I would have to adopt or just be a dog family. I guess time will tell. 

The scary thing about endometriosis is that it can go untreated for many years, women suffer in agony before many take them seriously – this includes medical professionals.  It is very similar to my experiences with mental illness. Others do not see an open wound on your arm and it doesn’t exist. Or it’s not as “serious” as you claim.  

It is truly heartbreaking that this is the case, because it can impact many aspects of a woman’s life in the current and future. 

I leave you with this, I ask you to educate yourself if you do not know much about endometriosis and share that information with others. The more attention that is brought to the disease, the more hope we can have for the  future!

I hope you enjoyed my post or learned a thing or two. I encourage you to take a look around and if you are having symptoms or have a friend, family member or loved one with these symptoms, support them ❤️. 

If you have  any questions,or have a story of your own, I would love to hear it!

Xoxo,

17 thoughts on “My endometriosis story 💛

  1. Aw you poor thing! Endo is the worst and as you said completely unpredictable; My cousin had it so bad and had 3 kids so there’s no telling! I had to get that ultrasound after drinking 2 litres of water and I swear I have never felt more angry at the world. I was so desperately uncomfortable. SURELY it’s not necessary for me to be a human water balloon for the ultrasound to be clear!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Endo is awful, but I am pretty much a human body lemon (like car lemon laws). Everything happens to me ugh! haha.

      I LOVE hearing the success stories so thank you, thank you for sharing about your cousin :). Gives hope if I ever try!

      The 2 litres of water….whew. That was how much I had to drink as well, it felt like my body weight and I may have exaggerated but it was probably the most uncomfortable point in my life. I felt like my eyes were floating in water and was pretty sure I was going to pee myself as an adult. Luckily, I did not….for all of our sakes haha.

      I agree with you, human water balloon is not necessary but I am secretly happy that someone else I know went through the pain as well ❤ ❤

      Thank you for all the love my friend. I hope you have a good day!!!

      Like

  2. That is a harrowing medical experience. My sympathy goes out to you. But, if I can step back from your pain and anxiety for a moment….You obviously have a talent for telling a story that readers can relate to. The little bits of humor sprinkled in makes it easier to read. A little comic relief works for the reader in any story of painful events. I look forward to reading more of your posts. BTW, it sucks that so many medical providers fail to take women’s health complaints as seriously as they deserve. It must make you really angry–and rightly so.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Tom!

      First, thank you so much for your kind words and for reading my long story. I was difficult to write and I have never viewed myself as a good story teller, so thank you again for your support and showing me that I have some hidden talents too!

      It is unfortunate that some medical providers do not take women, or anyone seriously when it comes to certain diseases. You would think people in that profession, whom I view as healers work want to help their patients? It’s really heart breaking, hopefully it gets better – right!?

      I hope to chat again soon and I hope you have a great evening! ♥️

      Like

      1. Hi Tom , I hope you’re having a good day 🙂

        I can see why this was difficult for you to write too. My father seemed to have a bit of an anger issue and many times, I’ve felt the same way. Red, tears welled up from anger and humiliation as well. I can go right back to that feeling in my head, even though it’s been years since something like that has occurred.

        Kudos to you for having the courage to write such a personal story ♥️♥️♥️

        Like

      2. Thanks, Katrina, for your comment and sharing your experience. Your response means a lot to me. Yes, I did have a good day…lots of sunshine here in Detroit. Now, with seeing your comment my day got better.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hemorrhagic cyst fighter since my teenage years for me, and I have two kiddo’s also! Its such a painful thing to go through also, especially when they rupture. They’ve been encouraging me to remove my right ovary for years, but I am just not ready yet. It is scary, and I am sorry you have to go through it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh, you my friend are a true warrior! I am sorry you have to go through it as well but glad you have some kiddos! This makes me super hopeful for the future too, thank you so much for sharing your story.

      I could not imagine taking an ovary and how scary that thought would be. Take your time girl, do what you feel is best 💛.
      Thanks again and I hope to chat again soon!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Wonderful piece to encourage awareness which we definitely need more of. I am sorry to hear about the painful elements in this post, especially relational breakdowns and pain. I have just written a piece about wondering if I will be a mother and my current process so all I can say is I empathise with you. I too wonder if I am destined to be a cat lady forever .. it’s shite. I won’t say stay strong as I kinda think we already have that down dealing with chronic pain and any mental health difficulties. Much love <e

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading my post and also sharing your own. It is painful and scary, you’re right but atleast we have good company ♥️. I’m glad you found my post, we can encourage each other 🙏🏻. Hang in there lovely! I will.chat with you soon!♥️♥️

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I truly relate to this. And honestly any man will be lucky to love you, us. Us as women become strong, independent women when dealing with this crappy disease. I would love to speak to you for some advice if you feel up to it. Really did touch me this blog. X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello beautiful! Thank you so much for reading my blog and your kind words!! ❤ As painful and exhausting as it is to share our stories, it is comments like this that makes it all worth it!

      Hopefully you saw some of my followers comment about how they were able to conceive after cysts etc., that was really nice to hear and TRY to file in the back of my mind. I know it is so damn tough to try to stay positive when you feel like crap, speak and hear of infertility but my endo sister, we have each other and of course I would love to talk to you!
      I just checked out your blog and my friend, you are so strong! Thank you for also taking the time to share your tough experiences with the world. I know they not only help me, but others struggling too. I cannot wait to read more and know that I am always here 🙂 for you too. You can always reach out here, email me at diaryofthemadkatter@gmail.com or hangouts or anyway that is easiest for you to chat, I would be honored and happy to!

      Hang in there my love, I hope to talk to you soon and know there will be comments coming your way from me on your posts! *hugs*
      -Katrina

      Liked by 1 person

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