Monday catch up with… Andrina? #Starbucksfail

Hello my friends!

I hope that you had a good weekend and that your coffee and tea is strong this lovely Monday!

It is raining here, which always puts me in a mood. Soooo to make me feel better, I bought a coffee the size of me annnnd now I am apparently known as: Andrina? This is a new one, well done Starbucks.

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So this past week has been a bit crazy and my brain is as hazy is the world outside my window, so I think I will do this catch up in: the good, bad & ugly bullets. Ahhh simplicity on a Monday – that is what I am talking about! So here we go!


The Good

  • Mad Hatter Brunch – This was my first vendor event with my fierce lady boss friend, whom that I typically refer to as Sunshine… this never fit right with me and have been searching my mind for a NEW code name for her for quite some time… Now she will be referred to as…(drumroll) Honeydukes. I know… You’re probably thinking – wtf? Just hear me out and try to follow my logic here: My lovely friend and I share a love of sweets, fun, HP and her hair is blonde…it seemed perfect! Right!? IDK IT MAKES SENSE TO ME! 😘ANYWAY back to the list… Honeydukes and I attended the Mad Hatter Brunch! The brunch was in support of pediatric cancer patients and their families, so it was such a good feeling to learn more about the organization, meet some other ladies and fellow vendors. In terms of good vibes, the place was packed with them! Additionally, there were a few vendor spots which Honeydukes snagged one – so I (procrastor) ended up throwing on a sun hat and sun dress and went to support, and most importantly – witness my mentor in action and take notes for my event comes…. you know at the end of the month. No stress here (nervous laughter)… so I observed, took it all in and tried to channel my inner extrovert and do my best lol. After a few tries myself, I’m sure I will be rocking it myself 🎩👒.
  • Cookie Dough Creamery – This is probably one of the most important things that has ever happened to me…ever. After the lovely Mad Hattery, Honeydukes introduced me to this shop where they have “safe” edible cookie dough (I eat raw cookie dough regardless #rebel) that you can top with ice cream and several other things like sprinkles, cookie crumbles and candies. Essentially, it was what I imagine heaven to be like and I just had to share this with you!
    • Do you have something similar where you live!? I must know!
  • Dawn Dagger Award – My lovely blogger friend and beautiful lady, comfykittea nominated me for the Dawn Dagger Award!! Thank you my dear and I will be following up with that soon! I am thinking of questions 🙂
  • Bachelor Pad – Caterpillar’s roommates moved out and he is now living on his own for the first time. So we have been busy the past week deep cleaning the place, gathering things and reorganizing so he can have his own little perfect space. Bonus!? I was able to pass some things on to him that was taking up space in my house and garage. YESSS! So who really is the winner here? ME! Just kidding.  So, I am excited for him….while he radiates some anxiety about this big step :).With that, I am happy to report that Caterpillar and I have been doing better…. *knock on wood*. Even through this stressful time for him :). Keep your fingers crossed my lovely people.
  • Avian Nemesis– Do you remember my turkey story? Well, my father asked me over for lunch Sunday….which meant that I would have to face the Foul Fowl again. I am not going to lie, I did not think I would ever see my father again while that rather bulbous feathered friend, alive and strutting around the farm house. Mocking me…peering at me with those beady eyes and large wing span. HOWEVER, I gave myself a pep-talk. Like, listen – you are human! Potentially one of the most dangerous (petite) creatures, do not be bullied by this white jerk. You are bigger…ish than him! You are smarter than him and today you will show him up! Sooooo I packed up my Sydney and we drove over, because she would totally save me if I happen to opossum out in fear of this….turkey – right!? I am happy to report that he was not waiting on me at the end of the drive way this time…oh but he was lurking in the shrubbery/grass area. Syd and I managed to get inside the house and relax a bit, not a feather on my mind….until we were ready to leave. I walked out to see him strutting around. WHO DOES THIS TURKEY THINK HE IS!? With a straightened back and mustered up courage, I walked with Syd to the car. I safely got Syd in the car so I could take a few steps “closer” to try to get a picture of this turkey and you know, fight my fears! Well…. as he heard me step closer, he slowly turned towards me and let out, nothing short of what I would call a War Gobble…again. He then proceeded to stalk in my direction. At this point, I was feeling a bit anxious. This is what I get for locking up my fierce protector in the car to ensure that she would be safe. Great, who was going to protect ME now. So… I tried to snap a picture of him for you guys to see this monster buuuuut my phone camera was only able to produce this grainy, super zoomed in picture of the jerk . My friends, meet my tormentor… FullSizeRender (7)The good news? I am happy to say that I ran back to my car and shut the door immediately after this photo was taken, because I am apparently being bullied by this round creature and I do not trust him! Syd and I are peck free and no turkeys were harmed…..but my ego may be. Until next time my feathered foe.

The Bad & The Ugly

  • See picture above…
  • That Pap was NOT a wrap – So, I received the call. Yes, the call that we all dread from our gynecologist –  stating that my pap smear came back with abnormal cells and that I would have to go back for additional testing.  It appears that I will have to go back for something called an Colposcopy. Which essentially sounds like a pap on steroids and I may have to have a biopsy taken as well – depending on what they see. This kinda set the tone for my weekend, even though the nurse stated that this is “extremely common, just preventative, your other tests of HPV, gonorrhea and chlamydia were negative.” My mind just zeroed in on the “abnormal” portion, like what does this mean and how!? It did not matter that she seemed un-phased, perhaps snacking while explaining that this was not as scary as it sounds and my abnormality was “extremely mild.”Listen, I have serious anxieties and have a tendency to obsess and run/jump/catapult to worst case scenario. My colposcopy is not scheduled until the end of June so, I get to wait a bit before having this done. Here is a better description of the exam (in case you did not know like myself):“Colposcopy is a way for your doctor to use a special magnifying device to look at your vulva, vagina, and cervix. If the doctor sees a problem, he or she can take a small sample of tissue (biopsy) from the cervix or from inside the opening of the cervix. The sample is looked at under a microscope…During the test, your doctor uses a lighted magnifying device that looks like a pair of binoculars. This device is called a colposcope. It allows your doctor to see problems that would be missed by the naked eye. A camera can be attached to the colposcope to take pictures or videos of the vagina and cervix. Your doctor may put vinegar (acetic acid) and sometimes iodine on the vagina and cervix with a cotton swab or cotton balls. It allows the doctor to see problem areas more clearly.”WebMD
    ^me…all weekend

    Now, I know that many “non-scary” things can cause inflammation or can impact your cervical exam but it is hard to keep that in mind when the word “cancer” is mentioned but I am trying to stay positive. I have not really told anyone because… for some reason I feel ashamed or embarrassed?  I have no reason to feel this way but sadly I cannot shake it off TSwift style just yet.

    So I guess I have a few questions for my ladies out there:
    -Have you had this procedure done (colposcopy)? If so, any tips? How did it turn out for you?
    Have you received the “abnormal” call before?

     

I think that is about it really, I hope you all had a good weekend, tell me all about it!!! Also, if you don’t mind, send me some calming and good luck vibes, you know with my raging anxieties and chaotic life haha. I love and appreciate you all! ❤

xoxo,
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Friday Fem Frustrations *Warning: OB/GYN addition & a bit crass*

Hi all and HAPPY FREAKING FRIDAY!!! ❤

 

So today’s post will be more so for the ladies..sorry for my male readers, I put the OB/GYN in the title to scare you off if need be :). If you are here anyway, good for you sir and come here and give me a fist bump, because you are incredible…also fearless! Also… I am so sorry.

I really debated if I wanted to blog about my appointment or gynecology in general. Why? I felt that it was one of those things that a lot of people do not talk about. Unless you are a bottle of wine deep with some really close gal friends with snacks around you. I asked myself, why am I embarrassed by this? Us ladies all go through it, so why the hell not? So goodbye shame and here we go!

As you probably picked up, I had my yearly (yes, I still go yearly – I don’t care about the new standards) gyno appointment today. I dread them, they are not fucking fun – you gals know this! Well, unless maybe you do and happily skip and or cha cha on up to the sign in sheet…and if that is the case, please contact me and give me your tips, because I could use them!

Sigh…The only perk of this day was I got to sleep in.

SO, back to my story – I rolled out of bed and showered (you are welcome doc!) and tried to make myself as presentable as possible and by that, I mean what is the “acceptable” hairiness level here? I debated this and I plan on Googling more about this later. Like, this woman/Dr/speculum and swab wielding super-woman is about to have her face staring at my vagina, I could at least give her an inviting scenery? Right!?

Additionally, maybe I need to bring her a gift, or provide candles for our big moment or fucking better yet, WE PATIENTS deserve a gift at checkout – I will come back to this later, I feel it needs more attention. In terms of hairiness, I mean this is like prepping for a sexy date. Like, bush maintained? Controlled? What about this chipped toenail polish? What about my legs? Can I get away with this stubble or should I shave? I felt that my leg fur…er hair was acceptable. However, I went with BB-8 Star Wars knee high socks…just in case. Which BTW, I do this for my partners as well, there is a reason that I have an excessive amount of badass or colorful knee highs. Also, just an excessive amount of fun socks (why is this such a thing for me this week?!)

After bathing and finding comfy clothes that are acceptable for Fri-yay work days….because if I am going to be met with a speculum BEFORE coffee AND have to go to work after… I am going to get as casual as my work will allow. So that is exactly what I did, plain tee, nice jeans and the Chuck Taylors that I have had since…. Middle school – I know.

The drive in was filled with groans and sighs while reflecting on the questions that are about to be fired my away soon and being the anxious gal that I am… totally tried to plan my answers before hand. This is my prep list and what my answers were while driving….

  • When was your last period?
    • Gee doc, I don’t have one because I am on an endless anti-baby pill regimen for endometriosis and look out world I am a single gal – RAWL!!
  • Are you in a monogamous relationship?
    • Um…. let me stop you right there doc. Let me tell you about dating in this era! But yes, I am a one man lady and outside of that, this question is too complicated and we do not have enough time for this doc. NEXT!
  • How many partners have you had in the past 6 months?
    • Oh, you mean that bat cave down there!? You touching me is the most action I have had in months! **jk jk sorry if this was too far for some but my humor in awkward situations can get out of hand, if I offend you – I am sorry and forgive me!**
    • Besides the bat residents in said cave during those down times with Caterpillar, one. Are you damn happy? When does this stop.
  • Are you using birth control methods outside of the pill, like condoms?
    • I mean…
  • Any issues…?
    • Nope, happy as a clam. Literally.
    • All is well, thanks for verifying my vag is happy and healthy. I love these convos, would you like to go out for tea after this!?

These thoughts and anxieties helped fill the time during my freeway cruising and before I knew it. It was time for the paper gown.

Guys, it was freezing in that damn office. Can we get some paper gown warmers? Heated exam chair? I don’t know what the deal was but I was not happy to strip down for this woman, without a steak dinner and shiver out of the stirrups. Worst fear, chattering/shivering so much that I end up closing my legs around her head during exam.

Obviously this is a bit exaggerated. By a bit, clearly a ton. It was cold but you do not have to worry for the doc, her head was safe. My nips were prob hard though and for that doc, I am sorry. P.S. – your freezing hands did not help…

Then it happened, the ole “you are going to feel some slight pressure” line – I am sorry. There is NOTHING in this world to 1- prepare you for that cold instrument going into depths of you and 2- hearing “relax” is not going to help me BTW. I know you are trying and I do appreciate it but at this point, I am sure everything is so tense down there you should prob give up. Also…me too.

It was all over pretty quickly, I must say. I always feels like a drawn out process but I made it. She wrapped it up by saying “everything looks and feels good” um…phrasing?! Glad you could see in there, I GROOMED JUST FOR YOU! Because I am sure that was what she was really focused on… and meant….so now we wait. Results will be back within a week or so and I did get another STD panel done because you know – wild and crazy gal over here.

She did say “we typically do STD screens routinely for women up to 26. However, if you would like we can do test for that as well.” I thought this was interesting, like why 26? What science goes behind this? I will be Googling that as well! I assume because most women after 26 are married and or in steady situations… ahem. It is fine, I will be the wildcard for her go ahead, test away doc!

I do want to mention that she did compliment my socks, she got a bonus point. She then lost said bonus point, when she had to ask what it was…. CLEARLY IT IS BB-8, YOU KNOW STAR WARS!? Oh, not a huge nerd like myself… sorry. But really, I smiled and just said it was Star Wars because her look of confusion was enough to tell me that this conversation cannot go on any longer. I fucking love droids.

Let me loop back around to rewards for making it through these appointments. My thoughts, all OB/GYN practices should have a tea room or spa room? Like, hey you badass bitch – you made it through the exam, have some tea! You want a quick facial instead!? HERE YOU GO! I would also accept a fun Starbucks drink, blanket or candy.

Once I scheduled my next sexy date with this gal next year, I decided that I did need a fun Starbucks drink for successfully adulting, so I waited in line with the other zombies and achieved the “i survived the speculum, swab wielding wonder-woman” mocha and happily drank it on my ride into work.

I made it and I should have another post like this for another year, aren’t we all happy!?

One more thing, I am unsure how I feel about photos on the ceiling. Does your practice have these? It was like a family photo today and it just kinda made me confused to be looking at 3 toddlers while enduring this.

Anyway! Remember, it is important to get these exams done, even if you do hate them. That whole self care thing guys! Make sure you do it!FullSizeRender (6)

Now, I have to ask, do you have any good OB/GYN stories? Anything at all really to comment and not make me feel alone and that I may have made a posting mistake!

❤ Love you all and have a great weekend!

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My endometriosis story 💛

Hello friends!

As my lovely followers, you know that I suffer from mental health issues. I have opened up with my story a little bit regarding my struggles with them but my topic today is something that I haven’t really dabbled into and is another silent disease called: endometriosis. The link provided is from The Endometriosis Foundation of America and has some great information if you are interested in learning more.  

My story:

I will never forget in January 2013, I was suffering from some severe pain in my left , lower side. I have suffered from pain each month, to a point that pain killers did not even touch the pain that I felt. So, I did not think too much about it and thought it would pass, I took some medication and went about Fuckboy’s work holiday party, I simply did not have time for this and so I sucked it up, shook hands with the bosses, smiled and chatted with their wives and tried to force the pain down a river of endless beer.

It did not help. In fact, the pain progressed over the weekend.

I somehow made it through the dreadful weekend, called my doctor first thing in the morning on Monday to be seen. Surprisingly, I was able to get in quickly if I remember correctly, but my wonderful and caring doctor dismissed my concerns initially because “I looked fine.” I appeared to not be in pain in her eyes, luckily she still took the time to do a physical exam. Where I squirmed and yelped in agony as she prodded my ovaries.

“Oh, I guess you are in pain” as she continues her cold hearted prodding to my raging insides.

She finished the exam and suggested that I get an ultrasound. She suggested that it may be a cyst. However, since they are so common and typically go away on their own, she was not too concerned; but she did go ahead, and get the ultrasound scheduled for me. Gee thanks doc for listening to me…ahem.

So this is where things started to take a turn, I was able to go to a local branch to get the ultrasound done the next day I believe (by chance). However, this time I had to drink my body weight in water beforehand and hold it for this type of ultrasound…..you could say, I was about to get up close and personal with this ultrasound tech and her not so magical wand. I did not even get dinner or even a damn lollipop post session. She was nice  though, so I guess that is all I could ask for…and perhaps a hug or additional therapy.

It turns out, I did in fact have a cyst. It was one that was solid versus the “typical ” fluid filled kind. Now, things were rushed. I was referred to a specialist/local OBGYN to evaluate and treat asap. 

We all know that I suffer from anxiety, so as you could imagine, I was internally losing my mind. What is this elusive mass on my ovary and how dare it! Causing me great pain, moving in and taking over my lady organs without paying rent or giving back at all. Quite frankly, it was just rude!

So on to the next appointment and another ultrasound…ugh. Dr. Chan diagnosed me with an endometrioma or also known as: chocolate cysts or blood cysts. At the time, she wanted to try the wait and see game. I would have a repeat ulrtrasound in about a month to see if it shrank on its own. In the meantime, I got a full blood panel done because since this was a more solid mass, scary terms like mass and cancer was being passed around. “While unlikely, it is best that we take these tests to rule out any additional concerns.”

I took a deep breath and agreed to the tests.

Listen guys, I don’t handle medical needles well. I have tattoos, mostly where I did not watch them drill my skin and for a reason. Watching someone draw my blood, especially several vials – I was feeling severely overwhelmed, anxious, and terrified. It seems that I was right over the years but here is the thing – endometriosis can only be “officially” diagnosed through surgery. While this was on the list of possibilities. I was hoping this asshole cyst would go away on its own. 

A month down the  line, the pain persisted and when it was time for my next  ultrasound, my cyst grew to the size similar to a baseball, just a little bigger. It was time to really talk about surgery. 

I spent the month between appointments researching endometriosis and what that would mean for me. I have always wanted children and I was with my long term boyfriend at the  time who also wanted children one day. How would I talk to him about this? How can I accept this? Engagement was coming close and hearing this information threw me into a depression. 

I will never forget speaking to Dr. Chan, in her little private office about the surgery. Recovery and what I wanted for my future. Worst case, she needed to know if she needed to try to save an ovary if I wanted children .  

I was 24, going on 25. Sitting alone, planning a surgery that may impact my distant life. 

I choked  out, what were the odds that my fertility would be impacted. There is no simple answer for that. 

Some people have little endo and experience great pain and fertility issues, some do not. Others have severe endo and still have babies. She would not know the severity of mine until she went in to remove my cyst and we wouldn’t know how my fertility was impacted until I were to actually start trying. 

Ideally, it’s best to try right after the surgery since the adhesions would be removed from my organs.  Again, at 25 and where I was at in life, it wasn’t going to happen. 

So then comes the thoughts – how could a man love me? Would my then significant other run for the hills? How would I bring up the topic to any future lovers. I mean, I don’t know  myself, but when do you insert the statement “oh hey, I’m not sure sure what you were feeling here…But if you want  children with me, I need you to know there may be complications.” 

Does that come after drinks a year down the line. Is that something that should be covered sooner so no one gets upset or too attached?

**I had not been had the surgery yet mind you. This was just flying through my head on my drive home, to my then boyfriend and tell him the plan and news.**

Surgery day  came, I was hangry and ready to vomit the bile that was the only thing left in my stomach. With no food after midnight and my surgery pushed to 12p. Whew. All I could think about was food. 

When the dreaded time came, I was sent off from a few loved ones and I was out before I knew it. 

I woke up  groggy, in pain and of course the news that endometriosis was indeed found. She lasered all that she could and successfully removed my cyst without having to remove any additional organs. I still had two ovaries – thank god. 

Recovery was slow. I could not wear real pants for like a month and time around the house left time to continue into a black spiral of  “being a broken woman, that no one could love long term.” 

I had a supportive partner at the time or so I thought. I sometimes wonder that if possible fertility issues was part of the reason he up and left before the wedding. But hey, we won’t spend another second on him. 

Time went on, I grew to accept that my window of “ideal” procreation came and went. I grew older and went through periods of acceptance, anger, back to depression and also periods of  “I could be just fine!”

But I have generalized anxiety and we like to cover all the grounds 😂. Post surgery, I had to start taking a continuous regimen of birth control pills to try to control symptoms of endometriosis. 

It’s been about 5 years since then and that’s kind of been the course. But now I’m facing 29, with those scary thoughts and have a sort of significant other?? 😂😳

I’m still terrified. I still wonder if I will ever  be a mother or if I would have to adopt or just be a dog family. I guess time will tell. 

The scary thing about endometriosis is that it can go untreated for many years, women suffer in agony before many take them seriously – this includes medical professionals.  It is very similar to my experiences with mental illness. Others do not see an open wound on your arm and it doesn’t exist. Or it’s not as “serious” as you claim.  

It is truly heartbreaking that this is the case, because it can impact many aspects of a woman’s life in the current and future. 

I leave you with this, I ask you to educate yourself if you do not know much about endometriosis and share that information with others. The more attention that is brought to the disease, the more hope we can have for the  future!

I hope you enjoyed my post or learned a thing or two. I encourage you to take a look around and if you are having symptoms or have a friend, family member or loved one with these symptoms, support them ❤️. 

If you have  any questions,or have a story of your own, I would love to hear it!

Xoxo,