The leap of faith and the anxiety that follows.

Hi friends & happy Friday! โค

First, I want to thank everyone who took the time to read and comment on my last post, “Try a little Tenderness…” It was one of those emotionally fueled posts where pain and anger took the over the keyboard – so thank you again. Your kind words, support and honest advice truly helped me in my self reflection in this rather awkward time for me. I am going to do my best to be strong, remain positive and TRY to figure out my next steps regarding Caterpillar and my soul.

Now on to more positive things, I have officially signed up for my business endeavor with Sunshine has been guiding me along the way! It was official as of last night at like 9P or something, so YAY! I am going to be honest though, I am bit scared.

I am struggling with this war inside me, I think? It is hard for me to articulate my feelings from time to time…as in all the time :). I think what I am feeling is, I know I have the skills buried in me to be successful. However, stepping out of my comfort zone is hard for me. Talk about anxiety- YIKES.

I suppose after I get my bearings, it will be worth it. I just have to dig  up the confidence to punch those fears in the face! HA! Extra money is always worth it, I have a mortgage, 3 pups, myself, home remodeling to do and adult bills and at times it can be hard, as I never wanted to do this alone anyway.

I will have to earn my own success.

Working a 9-5 job, is easy. I know what is expected of me regardless if it is a terrible work environment or not. It is comfortable, it is a pattern and I love patterns. I also know the job in and out after 5 years in, as well as know what my paycheck will be every two weeks… it’s the fear of the unknown that gets me. I suppose that is what all of us with anxiety disorders feel and even the “normal humans” too.

This is when I realize that my generalized anxiety (GAD) is still very present in my life and the worry has already really set in. Nasty thoughts have been plaguing me since I started considering taking on this new venture: What if I fail, what if I embarrass myself, what if my klutzy self makes a huge disaster in front of PEOPLE and what if this that or other (insert any normal or exaggerated fear here) happens – chances are that I have already thought of it.

However, like some of you – I am in recovery and facing challenges such as this will only be good for me and Sunshine reminds me of this. So, I am taking a deep breath and going for it! Here is to my team’s future, may there be success, few casualties and triumph over anxiety!

I think that is about it for today. The weather is too overcast for me in regards to pictures. I am still processing the Caterpillar incident, feeling raw and also secretly hoping that I get a happy birthday from him tomorrow (stupid I know).

Fun fact: my pup Barley was born on April 29th as well! That’s right, we share a birthday! He will be 2 and I will be 29 Saturday…I was thinking about getting him a nice toy or making him a cake if I am feeling ambitious.

barles
Baby Barley – May 2015

Barley2
Barley -April 2017

K&B
Birthday Buddies!!
 

I hope you all had a good week and I hope you have an even better weekend!

xoxo,

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18 thoughts on “The leap of faith and the anxiety that follows.

  1. Happy birthday, Katrina (as we lawyers say, going forward). May I suggest that you give yourself a birthday present? Take a minute or two or three to feel good about yourself for the new venture you’re undertaking in spite of your anxiety. Since neither you nor I have a crystal ball, we can’t predict the outcome or how far you’ll go. No matter. It’s your effort against your anxieties that is impressive. I can relate to those voices in your head telling you all the negative things that MAY happen. Much more LIKELY, they won’t. I wish you satisfaction in your endeavor. The most important success is in the effort and how you feel about yourself.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Tom!!! I appreciate the birthday wishes and kind words – as always!

      While I had a bit of anxiety with the new business venture, I did end up having a good weekend surrounded by friends and eating A LOT of good food haha. Did you have a good weekend?

      Talk to you soon! โค

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Glad to see your appetite was not affected! Food friends = a good combo. My weekend was good, though weather a little on the gray side. Saw a movie set in Scotland, which made me want to take a return trip. It’s my ancestral home–mother was an Armstrong. Take care!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Scotland ancestry!? I believe that is where my great great great great who knows how long down the line came from as well. Visiting is on my bucket list, I’m sure plenty of photo opportunities there as well! ๐Ÿ’š

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    1. Ah thank you!!!! This may sound silly, but I was unaware of this “Golden Birthday” ordeal! I looked into it after reading your comment, what a special day.

      Thank you so much for the birthday wishes and love! Barley sends his love too! Did you have a good weekend!?

      โค

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yay! Glad to make you aware of such an extra-special birthday! I celebrated mine when I was 11, so it was not quite as exciting. ๐Ÿ™‚
        I had a nice weekend with my family. Got lots of new flowers and veggies planted. Love me some springtime!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Happy Early Birthday Kat! You enjoy that day with your doggy friends, and eat tons of cake (its a priority๐Ÿ‘). Be happy for the person you’ve become these past 28 years. Even with the ups and downs, you’re still staying strong.
    Oh! And of course Happy Ealry Birthday to Barley as well, from me and my pooch Ollie!

    Enjoy your birthday! ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ‰

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you lovely – for your sweet words and birthday wishes!!! I did have plenty of delicious cake – yay!

      Barley sends his love to you and Ollie too! Did you have a good weekend?!

      โค

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha, actually my basement flooded on Sunday, although I’ve always wanted an indoor pool๐Ÿ˜‚
        Hopefully this week I’ll have more time to read some more blog post over the weekend, maybe be able to post one. It’s been a very busy week for me๐Ÿ˜…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hi lovely! Sorry for my delay, I have been fighting a sinus infection and struggling a bit! I’m SO SORRY to her about the basement!! Oh my gosh, I would have been unable full.blown panic. Did you get everything resolved!? โ™ฅ๏ธ

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  3. Congrats on your new venture, it’s no surprise there is a level of anxiety there even if you did not suffer from GAD, as its new and exciting but unknown. I wish you lots of luck. Happy birthday to both you and Barely I hope you enjoyed your day โค

    Liked by 1 person

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