Hi friends & happy Friday! ❤
First, I want to thank everyone who took the time to read and comment on my last post, “Try a little Tenderness…” It was one of those emotionally fueled posts where pain and anger took the over the keyboard – so thank you again. Your kind words, support and honest advice truly helped me in my self reflection in this rather awkward time for me. I am going to do my best to be strong, remain positive and TRY to figure out my next steps regarding Caterpillar and my soul.
Now on to more positive things, I have officially signed up for my business endeavor with Sunshine has been guiding me along the way! It was official as of last night at like 9P or something, so YAY! I am going to be honest though, I am bit scared.
I am struggling with this war inside me, I think? It is hard for me to articulate my feelings from time to time…as in all the time :). I think what I am feeling is, I know I have the skills buried in me to be successful. However, stepping out of my comfort zone is hard for me. Talk about anxiety- YIKES.
I suppose after I get my bearings, it will be worth it. I just have to dig up the confidence to punch those fears in the face! HA! Extra money is always worth it, I have a mortgage, 3 pups, myself, home remodeling to do and adult bills and at times it can be hard, as I never wanted to do this alone anyway.
I will have to earn my own success.
Working a 9-5 job, is easy. I know what is expected of me regardless if it is a terrible work environment or not. It is comfortable, it is a pattern and I love patterns. I also know the job in and out after 5 years in, as well as know what my paycheck will be every two weeks… it’s the fear of the unknown that gets me. I suppose that is what all of us with anxiety disorders feel and even the “normal humans” too.
This is when I realize that my generalized anxiety (GAD) is still very present in my life and the worry has already really set in. Nasty thoughts have been plaguing me since I started considering taking on this new venture: What if I fail, what if I embarrass myself, what if my klutzy self makes a huge disaster in front of PEOPLE and what if this that or other (insert any normal or exaggerated fear here) happens – chances are that I have already thought of it.
However, like some of you – I am in recovery and facing challenges such as this will only be good for me and Sunshine reminds me of this. So, I am taking a deep breath and going for it! Here is to my team’s future, may there be success, few casualties and triumph over anxiety!
I think that is about it for today. The weather is too overcast for me in regards to pictures. I am still processing the Caterpillar incident, feeling raw and also secretly hoping that I get a happy birthday from him tomorrow (stupid I know).
Fun fact: my pup Barley was born on April 29th as well! That’s right, we share a birthday! He will be 2 and I will be 29 Saturday…I was thinking about getting him a nice toy or making him a cake if I am feeling ambitious.
I hope you all had a good week and I hope you have an even better weekend!