Friday Fem Frustrations *Warning: OB/GYN addition & a bit crass*

Hi all and HAPPY FREAKING FRIDAY!!! ❤

 

So today’s post will be more so for the ladies..sorry for my male readers, I put the OB/GYN in the title to scare you off if need be :). If you are here anyway, good for you sir and come here and give me a fist bump, because you are incredible…also fearless! Also… I am so sorry.

I really debated if I wanted to blog about my appointment or gynecology in general. Why? I felt that it was one of those things that a lot of people do not talk about. Unless you are a bottle of wine deep with some really close gal friends with snacks around you. I asked myself, why am I embarrassed by this? Us ladies all go through it, so why the hell not? So goodbye shame and here we go!

As you probably picked up, I had my yearly (yes, I still go yearly – I don’t care about the new standards) gyno appointment today. I dread them, they are not fucking fun – you gals know this! Well, unless maybe you do and happily skip and or cha cha on up to the sign in sheet…and if that is the case, please contact me and give me your tips, because I could use them!

Sigh…The only perk of this day was I got to sleep in.

SO, back to my story – I rolled out of bed and showered (you are welcome doc!) and tried to make myself as presentable as possible and by that, I mean what is the “acceptable” hairiness level here? I debated this and I plan on Googling more about this later. Like, this woman/Dr/speculum and swab wielding super-woman is about to have her face staring at my vagina, I could at least give her an inviting scenery? Right!?

Additionally, maybe I need to bring her a gift, or provide candles for our big moment or fucking better yet, WE PATIENTS deserve a gift at checkout – I will come back to this later, I feel it needs more attention. In terms of hairiness, I mean this is like prepping for a sexy date. Like, bush maintained? Controlled? What about this chipped toenail polish? What about my legs? Can I get away with this stubble or should I shave? I felt that my leg fur…er hair was acceptable. However, I went with BB-8 Star Wars knee high socks…just in case. Which BTW, I do this for my partners as well, there is a reason that I have an excessive amount of badass or colorful knee highs. Also, just an excessive amount of fun socks (why is this such a thing for me this week?!)

After bathing and finding comfy clothes that are acceptable for Fri-yay work days….because if I am going to be met with a speculum BEFORE coffee AND have to go to work after… I am going to get as casual as my work will allow. So that is exactly what I did, plain tee, nice jeans and the Chuck Taylors that I have had since…. Middle school – I know.

The drive in was filled with groans and sighs while reflecting on the questions that are about to be fired my away soon and being the anxious gal that I am… totally tried to plan my answers before hand. This is my prep list and what my answers were while driving….

  • When was your last period?
    • Gee doc, I don’t have one because I am on an endless anti-baby pill regimen for endometriosis and look out world I am a single gal – RAWL!!
  • Are you in a monogamous relationship?
    • Um…. let me stop you right there doc. Let me tell you about dating in this era! But yes, I am a one man lady and outside of that, this question is too complicated and we do not have enough time for this doc. NEXT!
  • How many partners have you had in the past 6 months?
    • Oh, you mean that bat cave down there!? You touching me is the most action I have had in months! **jk jk sorry if this was too far for some but my humor in awkward situations can get out of hand, if I offend you – I am sorry and forgive me!**
    • Besides the bat residents in said cave during those down times with Caterpillar, one. Are you damn happy? When does this stop.
  • Are you using birth control methods outside of the pill, like condoms?
    • I mean…
  • Any issues…?
    • Nope, happy as a clam. Literally.
    • All is well, thanks for verifying my vag is happy and healthy. I love these convos, would you like to go out for tea after this!?

These thoughts and anxieties helped fill the time during my freeway cruising and before I knew it. It was time for the paper gown.

Guys, it was freezing in that damn office. Can we get some paper gown warmers? Heated exam chair? I don’t know what the deal was but I was not happy to strip down for this woman, without a steak dinner and shiver out of the stirrups. Worst fear, chattering/shivering so much that I end up closing my legs around her head during exam.

Obviously this is a bit exaggerated. By a bit, clearly a ton. It was cold but you do not have to worry for the doc, her head was safe. My nips were prob hard though and for that doc, I am sorry. P.S. – your freezing hands did not help…

Then it happened, the ole “you are going to feel some slight pressure” line – I am sorry. There is NOTHING in this world to 1- prepare you for that cold instrument going into depths of you and 2- hearing “relax” is not going to help me BTW. I know you are trying and I do appreciate it but at this point, I am sure everything is so tense down there you should prob give up. Also…me too.

It was all over pretty quickly, I must say. I always feels like a drawn out process but I made it. She wrapped it up by saying “everything looks and feels good” um…phrasing?! Glad you could see in there, I GROOMED JUST FOR YOU! Because I am sure that was what she was really focused on… and meant….so now we wait. Results will be back within a week or so and I did get another STD panel done because you know – wild and crazy gal over here.

She did say “we typically do STD screens routinely for women up to 26. However, if you would like we can do test for that as well.” I thought this was interesting, like why 26? What science goes behind this? I will be Googling that as well! I assume because most women after 26 are married and or in steady situations… ahem. It is fine, I will be the wildcard for her go ahead, test away doc!

I do want to mention that she did compliment my socks, she got a bonus point. She then lost said bonus point, when she had to ask what it was…. CLEARLY IT IS BB-8, YOU KNOW STAR WARS!? Oh, not a huge nerd like myself… sorry. But really, I smiled and just said it was Star Wars because her look of confusion was enough to tell me that this conversation cannot go on any longer. I fucking love droids.

Let me loop back around to rewards for making it through these appointments. My thoughts, all OB/GYN practices should have a tea room or spa room? Like, hey you badass bitch – you made it through the exam, have some tea! You want a quick facial instead!? HERE YOU GO! I would also accept a fun Starbucks drink, blanket or candy.

Once I scheduled my next sexy date with this gal next year, I decided that I did need a fun Starbucks drink for successfully adulting, so I waited in line with the other zombies and achieved the “i survived the speculum, swab wielding wonder-woman” mocha and happily drank it on my ride into work.

I made it and I should have another post like this for another year, aren’t we all happy!?

One more thing, I am unsure how I feel about photos on the ceiling. Does your practice have these? It was like a family photo today and it just kinda made me confused to be looking at 3 toddlers while enduring this.

Anyway! Remember, it is important to get these exams done, even if you do hate them. That whole self care thing guys! Make sure you do it!FullSizeRender (6)

Now, I have to ask, do you have any good OB/GYN stories? Anything at all really to comment and not make me feel alone and that I may have made a posting mistake!

❤ Love you all and have a great weekend!

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Fun fact Friday! A little more about me! 

Friday Fun Facts About Me!

Hello friends and happy Friday! 

I was thinking about today’s post and there was something about “fun fact Friday” that called out to me. While looking or some prompts, I found this lovely blog from Thought Catalog: “50 questions to ask a girl, if you want to know who she really is.

I thought it was a great list and will help give you guys a little more information about me! Win win! So here we go:

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person?

  • Something that made me stronger was…when my ex of almost 6 years, whom I was engaged to up and left me the first week of December in 2015. We had just purchased a house, had 2 dogs and everything was going well – as far as I knew. We had been friends for 12 years and most of those he was my “best friend.” Having to gather the strength to become a single home owner, care for myself, the pups and figure out how I was going to afford life with my income was a huge hurdle. He also did not tell his parents, so when Christmas came around and they were expecting us, I got the call from his mother…which I had to tell her. I had to tell everyone, his family, mine and friends. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through and yet, I was kind to him…for a while J. Abandonment is hard – without closure and having to handle everything on my own, including calling the wedding vendors (thanks for those non-refundable deposits guys)! Ugh! He also left everything of his, so I got to pack and sort it all….donated a lot and got a few bucks from selling his things after his “notice” came and went. I am much stronger than I thought I could ever be, but I still have a few trust issues till this day. They are getting better but – that fear is still there.

2. What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak?

  • The above situation made me feel very weak, but also having men still break up with me or leave me post that incident makes me feel weak, like something is wrong with me. At the end of the day, I know I did the best I could but those days do come from time to time.

3. Where is one place you feel most like yourself?

  • Curled up in a blanket in my home or with my loved one.

4. Where is your favorite place to escape to?

  • Home, bookstore, craft stores, cuddling with pups, walking in nature and cuddling with my other….or whatever he is.

5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today?

  • Most of my life, I had to be independent or the “adult”. I am the one that my family (including parents) comes to in a crisis and always been that way. Same with my friends so honestly, I am who I am today because of me really. My mother taught me the importance of a credit score when I was like 12 so I can thank her for that I guess J.

6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

  • I wish that I could vocalize my feelings more efficiently…or understand my own thoughts and emotions better. That way I can express them to the ones who may be causing me stress. I feel that most of the time when I try, I do not get my point across or they just do not understand…or I end up leaving out parts or words and it’s just a mess haha. I can understand and assist others no problem, I just have issues with me.

7. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first?

  • Go to a beach

8. What decade do you feel you most belong in?

  • This is a tough one; I have an old soul for sure. Perhaps the 50s?

9. Who are you closest to in your family? Why?

  • My family is not really a “close” family if you will. If I had to pick one, my oldest brother.

10. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best?

  • My therapist 😀 haha um that is a tough one as well…not too many people know everything about me, I am pretty private and only share certain things with certain people – know your audience! If I had to pick someone, it was probably my ex-fiancé, with that much history, he knew everything about my crazy self and complicated family.

11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend?

  • That she is opposite of me, she is an extrovert, bold and forward, it’s a good balance.

12. When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grew up?

  • Well known photographer, I wanted nothing more than to capture motocross action shots (I have been riding dirt bikes since I was 5) or nature.

13. If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be?

  • A mix of Tina, Louise & Linda Belcher from Bob’s Burgers 

14. Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments?

  • They are really nice to hear because I am really hard on myself but I just don’t know what to say…. usually an awkward “thank you” with some weird nonsense follow up. I wish I was better at them haha.

15. Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical?

  • I have struggled with this but with the support of my fellow blog fam & a few close people supporting the idea…I love that I am a bleeding heart. I will do literally anything/anytime/any place for the few close to me. I will continue to give limitless love and support for my small circle. While they are not the same and it is not as accepted, I am happy to say at the end of each day – that I did my best for whomever.

16. What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself?

  • I have grayish eyes

17. What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself?

  • See question #15!

18. Do you believe in love at first sight?

  • Love is such a complex thing. It involves humans who come with their own shit and backgrounds that love at first sight does not fit in my world. I am a HUGE hopeless romantic, don’t get me wrong there…but love takes time. You have to find that person who balances you and stays next to you on the wild roller coaster of life. I feel there can be a connection but not love at first sight.

19. Do you believe in soul mates?

  • Ah, a good question Thought Catalog! I blogged about this previously, I do not fully believe in soul mates – again love is complex. As unromantic as it is, love is hard work and a choice to me. Find that partner in crime that best fits you or “your kind of crazy” and you are good to go J.

20. How seriously do you take horoscopes?

  • I don’t really take them seriously. I will check mine every once in a while out of curiosity but to me they are all very vague and depending on your mood – no matter what they say, you will find something to identify with if you are looking for something in particular. I will say traits of my sign if you will are more relatable. Apparently my Taurus stubbornness is a real thing haha.

21. Have you ever been in love? How many times?

  • I think love is different at various life stages. I have been in love and I am one to love easily and hard for ones I feel that connection with… so I would say I have been in love a couple times at different levels. One time at a very deep level…eh!

22. What makes you fall in love with someone?

  • I tell people that I fall in love with souls. Some of my friends are more into the physical aspect, I am more on the side of: if we connect on a level and I feel comfortable to be myself 100% I will love harder than anything in this world. Example, if he gets my anxiety and weird quirks without running away and if they have them too!? That level of understanding and acceptance is love to me.

23. What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable?

  • Opening up to someone 100%, without fear of judgment of your past, family issues, your habits, passion, falling in love with someone so deeply that they have the ability to crush you…but trust they wont.

24. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to?

  • What do you love about me? The fear is the reply will be an awkward pause and nothing really came to mind.

25. If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do?

  • I really have no idea on this one? I guess

26. What do you find most attractive about each sex?

  • Men– Their strength yet their ability to be vulnerable at times, Women – Their strength as well but with the ability that some can do it in 5 inch heels!

27. What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about?

  • I love to learn in general… music, backgrounds, religions, coping skills, hobbies etc. anything and everything.

28. What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do?

  • Move to a warmer state or have a warm get-away home

29. Why haven’t you done it yet?

  • Money! One day!

30. If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be?

  • Open my own coffee shop

31. If you had off from work today, what would you do?

  • Sleep in and hibernate from the snow!!

32. What was the last thing that made you cry?

  • Feeling lonely and unloved

33. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

  • A dog pun from Caterpillar

34. What is your favorite memory?

  • Humm… I will get back to you on  this one!

35. What’s the last thing that REALLY embarrassed you?

  • My friend was starting a new yoga class and me being the hater of exercise decided to send a meme of yoga poses with “new names” if you will. For example, the one I told her that I related to and the only one I really paid attention to on the chart of like 9 was the “murder victim.” This pose is the one where you are laying down and looks like a stellar napping pose. Well, it turns out the 2 directly above it, that I somehow did not focus on were called: The Crotch Opener and the Suck my D*** Pose. When she replied with “oh my…” I rechecked my meme and about died. That was HORRIBLY crass…my bad. Lesson of the day, read the entire thing before sending off hahaha.

36. What is your biggest fear?

  • Currently: never getting married or having a life partner to share life with or have a family with. 

37. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one?

  • Humm I try not to think on regrets, everything shapes us – right?!

38. Have you ever broken a law? If you haven’t what is one law you’d love to break?

  • Nothing outside of traffic violations

39. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

  • I try to play life safe…but my back is pretty much covered in tattoos. To some that is crazy, other than that taking on massive hills on dirt bikes for years.

40. Would you have a conversation with a stranger?

  • I am kind of a shy gal, I will chat occasionally but I keep to myself

41. Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe? Or their dress tucked into their underwear? (Or anything else that is embarrassing to be seen in public)?

  • Yes because I would want someone to tell me!

42. What’s your favorite joke?

  • I do not really have one, I just like puns haha

43. Are you a dog person or a cat person?

  • Dog

44. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?

  • Red Panda or Koala

45. What’s one show, movie, or book, you’re embarrassed to admit you enjoy?

  • I have watch Gossip Girl occasionally on Netflix…

46. How do you think your parents would describe you as a child?

  • Quiet/shy

47. If you could go back to any age or time of your life, what age or time would it be?

  • 27 so I could tell that mofo “no” so I could have avoided a huge disaster

48. What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does?

  • That we have connections with people/souls love certain souls more than others

49. What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people?

  • I embrace my inner child and encourage others to do so too. Life is too stressful at times not to. 

50. What is one thing you feel your life is missing?

  • Stability, I just don’t feel it that much anymore. Granted I have a great job that supports my little home and 3 pups, has great insurance and I am able to pay my bills etc. However, I just feel like I am missing that person in my life that would fight for me, like I do them.

 

Crisis? Rant? Regardless 30 is coming quick!

As February is speeding by, I realize that I will be 29 before I know it – April 29th to be exact and for some reason, I am very anxious about it. Because you know, 30 is next and I should totally have my life together… Ahem.

As many of you around my age know and probably experience, social pressures can get to you around this age. The typical (and dare I say painful) questions that fly at your face like damn grenades at family gatherings and even the what was supposed to be a low-key happy hour….usually ends up like this for me:

· Hi, what do you do?

· How old are you?

· Are you single? …I have someone perfect for you!

· Do you have children? No? Do you want them?

· Do you want to get married?

· How is your job going?

The questions do not seem to slow and next thing you know, I am sweating, heart is racing and looking for the nearest exit or contemplating if faking my own death would be less painful at the moment. Which let’s be honest, probably would be a blessing.

 I wish I could say that I am one of those rare people that has all the luck in the world and life just continued perfectly for them…you know the perfect significant other, the nice home, a dog and 2.5 kids….whatever that means, I find it mildly concerning 😊. However, that is just not the case. In fact, I am one of the most cursed people that I know. Life likes to throw me curveballs, or cement bricks at me with a steady pace.

 Simply, I don’t have it together.

 As a younger naïve gal, I thought for sure that I would be in a more stable position at 28, rolling 29. That whole approaching 30 mark, just makes it seem like I am running out of time due to these social pressures that I mentioned. Yes, most people I know are married, have a steady relationship, engaged, children, home, making serious dough and here I am….feeling broken especially with my anxiety hanging on my back like Yoda.

 I have had a broken engagement, been abandoned, cheated on, made a fool and I’m sure been loved in there somewhere too…I hope. I just find it hard to trust at times, as we are all broken at this point in our lives in one way or another, and I also bring to the table some health issues. I mean who would want someone like me!? I am A MESS. I have had several surgeries and officially diagnosed with endometriosis in 2013. Apparently, after my surgery was the time to have children…but that was NOT happening. If I think I do not have it together today, I really did not have it together then.

 I have scars across my belly from 4 surgeries, may have fertility issues and will not know until I try for said children, throw in a some mental issues too and you got yourself a Katrina. Ugh. But while I have had some challenges, I do have a big heart and love hard, so there’s is that?

 Anyway, let me bring back my original point, to those aggressive questioners – which may be family, friends or someone you just met. Chances are, NO we do not want to be set up, we will get there when we feel like it. For me, NO I do not have children yet, but wish and hope I am able to – thanks for bringing that up btw not that I haven’t dreaded that thought since my diagnosis of endometriosis. My Job? Oh well, I get paid so that is nice…I mean it’s a job. I would rather be a beach bum but hey – here I am slaving away to keep my house – that I do have I guess and kibble in the bowls for my pups. Also… of course, I would want to get married but keeping a man has been hard for me for some reason…. now where is the BOOZE! Or at this point, just picture me running away like a mad woman with my 5’2” legs… #strugglebus.

 I don’t think some people realize how personal and uncomfortable those questions can be. Especially if you suffer from an anxiety disorder, depression and or other mental concerns…it all falls back to that lovely quote:

Be kind.
Be kind, even when you are taking life grenades.

As you can probably tell, I have been going through a rough patch and this may just be a product of hurt, but I would love to hear how you handle situations like the above or any advice for a late 20s gal!
Thank you for stopping by and reading! I hope to hear from you!

Xoxo,

Katrina

Hello & Welcome to the Rabbit Hole

Hello and WELCOME to my first post 🙂

My name is Katrina and I am so glad you are here! I have been throwing around the idea of creating a blog for a while now and I finally pulled the trigger.

Creating the “theme” has been the most difficult portion of this adventure and also seems to be a common issue. I feel like I have so much to say, but it is hard to put it in one category. I may bounce around a little but I hope to build a community with you, hear your experiences and thoughts.

If I had to put it simply, in terms of theme: I am passionate about mental health. Specifically, anxiety and depression. This will be a common theme through out my blog, as well as my thoughts on current issues and my struggles through adulthood.

Ah yes, speaking of adulthood… Can someone get me a manual for this!? HELP! I am sure most of you have had that same thought and you know what, we can get through this and grow together!

Most importantly, I want to thank you for stopping by my page. I am new to this blogging world and I appreciate your patience while I figure this all out. I hope you keep in touch and would love to hear your feedback.

xoxo,
Kat