Monday catch up with… Andrina? #Starbucksfail

Hello my friends!

I hope that you had a good weekend and that your coffee and tea is strong this lovely Monday!

It is raining here, which always puts me in a mood. Soooo to make me feel better, I bought a coffee the size of me annnnd now I am apparently known as: Andrina? This is a new one, well done Starbucks.

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So this past week has been a bit crazy and my brain is as hazy is the world outside my window, so I think I will do this catch up in: the good, bad & ugly bullets. Ahhh simplicity on a Monday – that is what I am talking about! So here we go!


The Good

  • Mad Hatter Brunch – This was my first vendor event with my fierce lady boss friend, whom that I typically refer to as Sunshine… this never fit right with me and have been searching my mind for a NEW code name for her for quite some time… Now she will be referred to as…(drumroll) Honeydukes. I know… You’re probably thinking – wtf? Just hear me out and try to follow my logic here: My lovely friend and I share a love of sweets, fun, HP and her hair is blonde…it seemed perfect! Right!? IDK IT MAKES SENSE TO ME! 😘ANYWAY back to the list… Honeydukes and I attended the Mad Hatter Brunch! The brunch was in support of pediatric cancer patients and their families, so it was such a good feeling to learn more about the organization, meet some other ladies and fellow vendors. In terms of good vibes, the place was packed with them! Additionally, there were a few vendor spots which Honeydukes snagged one – so I (procrastor) ended up throwing on a sun hat and sun dress and went to support, and most importantly – witness my mentor in action and take notes for my event comes…. you know at the end of the month. No stress here (nervous laughter)… so I observed, took it all in and tried to channel my inner extrovert and do my best lol. After a few tries myself, I’m sure I will be rocking it myself 🎩👒.
  • Cookie Dough Creamery – This is probably one of the most important things that has ever happened to me…ever. After the lovely Mad Hattery, Honeydukes introduced me to this shop where they have “safe” edible cookie dough (I eat raw cookie dough regardless #rebel) that you can top with ice cream and several other things like sprinkles, cookie crumbles and candies. Essentially, it was what I imagine heaven to be like and I just had to share this with you!
    • Do you have something similar where you live!? I must know!
  • Dawn Dagger Award – My lovely blogger friend and beautiful lady, comfykittea nominated me for the Dawn Dagger Award!! Thank you my dear and I will be following up with that soon! I am thinking of questions 🙂
  • Bachelor Pad – Caterpillar’s roommates moved out and he is now living on his own for the first time. So we have been busy the past week deep cleaning the place, gathering things and reorganizing so he can have his own little perfect space. Bonus!? I was able to pass some things on to him that was taking up space in my house and garage. YESSS! So who really is the winner here? ME! Just kidding.  So, I am excited for him….while he radiates some anxiety about this big step :).With that, I am happy to report that Caterpillar and I have been doing better…. *knock on wood*. Even through this stressful time for him :). Keep your fingers crossed my lovely people.
  • Avian Nemesis– Do you remember my turkey story? Well, my father asked me over for lunch Sunday….which meant that I would have to face the Foul Fowl again. I am not going to lie, I did not think I would ever see my father again while that rather bulbous feathered friend, alive and strutting around the farm house. Mocking me…peering at me with those beady eyes and large wing span. HOWEVER, I gave myself a pep-talk. Like, listen – you are human! Potentially one of the most dangerous (petite) creatures, do not be bullied by this white jerk. You are bigger…ish than him! You are smarter than him and today you will show him up! Sooooo I packed up my Sydney and we drove over, because she would totally save me if I happen to opossum out in fear of this….turkey – right!? I am happy to report that he was not waiting on me at the end of the drive way this time…oh but he was lurking in the shrubbery/grass area. Syd and I managed to get inside the house and relax a bit, not a feather on my mind….until we were ready to leave. I walked out to see him strutting around. WHO DOES THIS TURKEY THINK HE IS!? With a straightened back and mustered up courage, I walked with Syd to the car. I safely got Syd in the car so I could take a few steps “closer” to try to get a picture of this turkey and you know, fight my fears! Well…. as he heard me step closer, he slowly turned towards me and let out, nothing short of what I would call a War Gobble…again. He then proceeded to stalk in my direction. At this point, I was feeling a bit anxious. This is what I get for locking up my fierce protector in the car to ensure that she would be safe. Great, who was going to protect ME now. So… I tried to snap a picture of him for you guys to see this monster buuuuut my phone camera was only able to produce this grainy, super zoomed in picture of the jerk . My friends, meet my tormentor… FullSizeRender (7)The good news? I am happy to say that I ran back to my car and shut the door immediately after this photo was taken, because I am apparently being bullied by this round creature and I do not trust him! Syd and I are peck free and no turkeys were harmed…..but my ego may be. Until next time my feathered foe.

The Bad & The Ugly

  • See picture above…
  • That Pap was NOT a wrap – So, I received the call. Yes, the call that we all dread from our gynecologist –  stating that my pap smear came back with abnormal cells and that I would have to go back for additional testing.  It appears that I will have to go back for something called an Colposcopy. Which essentially sounds like a pap on steroids and I may have to have a biopsy taken as well – depending on what they see. This kinda set the tone for my weekend, even though the nurse stated that this is “extremely common, just preventative, your other tests of HPV, gonorrhea and chlamydia were negative.” My mind just zeroed in on the “abnormal” portion, like what does this mean and how!? It did not matter that she seemed un-phased, perhaps snacking while explaining that this was not as scary as it sounds and my abnormality was “extremely mild.”Listen, I have serious anxieties and have a tendency to obsess and run/jump/catapult to worst case scenario. My colposcopy is not scheduled until the end of June so, I get to wait a bit before having this done. Here is a better description of the exam (in case you did not know like myself):“Colposcopy is a way for your doctor to use a special magnifying device to look at your vulva, vagina, and cervix. If the doctor sees a problem, he or she can take a small sample of tissue (biopsy) from the cervix or from inside the opening of the cervix. The sample is looked at under a microscope…During the test, your doctor uses a lighted magnifying device that looks like a pair of binoculars. This device is called a colposcope. It allows your doctor to see problems that would be missed by the naked eye. A camera can be attached to the colposcope to take pictures or videos of the vagina and cervix. Your doctor may put vinegar (acetic acid) and sometimes iodine on the vagina and cervix with a cotton swab or cotton balls. It allows the doctor to see problem areas more clearly.”WebMD
    ^me…all weekend

    Now, I know that many “non-scary” things can cause inflammation or can impact your cervical exam but it is hard to keep that in mind when the word “cancer” is mentioned but I am trying to stay positive. I have not really told anyone because… for some reason I feel ashamed or embarrassed?  I have no reason to feel this way but sadly I cannot shake it off TSwift style just yet.

    So I guess I have a few questions for my ladies out there:
    -Have you had this procedure done (colposcopy)? If so, any tips? How did it turn out for you?
    Have you received the “abnormal” call before?

     

I think that is about it really, I hope you all had a good weekend, tell me all about it!!! Also, if you don’t mind, send me some calming and good luck vibes, you know with my raging anxieties and chaotic life haha. I love and appreciate you all! ❤

xoxo,
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Friday Fem Frustrations *Warning: OB/GYN addition & a bit crass*

Hi all and HAPPY FREAKING FRIDAY!!! ❤

 

So today’s post will be more so for the ladies..sorry for my male readers, I put the OB/GYN in the title to scare you off if need be :). If you are here anyway, good for you sir and come here and give me a fist bump, because you are incredible…also fearless! Also… I am so sorry.

I really debated if I wanted to blog about my appointment or gynecology in general. Why? I felt that it was one of those things that a lot of people do not talk about. Unless you are a bottle of wine deep with some really close gal friends with snacks around you. I asked myself, why am I embarrassed by this? Us ladies all go through it, so why the hell not? So goodbye shame and here we go!

As you probably picked up, I had my yearly (yes, I still go yearly – I don’t care about the new standards) gyno appointment today. I dread them, they are not fucking fun – you gals know this! Well, unless maybe you do and happily skip and or cha cha on up to the sign in sheet…and if that is the case, please contact me and give me your tips, because I could use them!

Sigh…The only perk of this day was I got to sleep in.

SO, back to my story – I rolled out of bed and showered (you are welcome doc!) and tried to make myself as presentable as possible and by that, I mean what is the “acceptable” hairiness level here? I debated this and I plan on Googling more about this later. Like, this woman/Dr/speculum and swab wielding super-woman is about to have her face staring at my vagina, I could at least give her an inviting scenery? Right!?

Additionally, maybe I need to bring her a gift, or provide candles for our big moment or fucking better yet, WE PATIENTS deserve a gift at checkout – I will come back to this later, I feel it needs more attention. In terms of hairiness, I mean this is like prepping for a sexy date. Like, bush maintained? Controlled? What about this chipped toenail polish? What about my legs? Can I get away with this stubble or should I shave? I felt that my leg fur…er hair was acceptable. However, I went with BB-8 Star Wars knee high socks…just in case. Which BTW, I do this for my partners as well, there is a reason that I have an excessive amount of badass or colorful knee highs. Also, just an excessive amount of fun socks (why is this such a thing for me this week?!)

After bathing and finding comfy clothes that are acceptable for Fri-yay work days….because if I am going to be met with a speculum BEFORE coffee AND have to go to work after… I am going to get as casual as my work will allow. So that is exactly what I did, plain tee, nice jeans and the Chuck Taylors that I have had since…. Middle school – I know.

The drive in was filled with groans and sighs while reflecting on the questions that are about to be fired my away soon and being the anxious gal that I am… totally tried to plan my answers before hand. This is my prep list and what my answers were while driving….

  • When was your last period?
    • Gee doc, I don’t have one because I am on an endless anti-baby pill regimen for endometriosis and look out world I am a single gal – RAWL!!
  • Are you in a monogamous relationship?
    • Um…. let me stop you right there doc. Let me tell you about dating in this era! But yes, I am a one man lady and outside of that, this question is too complicated and we do not have enough time for this doc. NEXT!
  • How many partners have you had in the past 6 months?
    • Oh, you mean that bat cave down there!? You touching me is the most action I have had in months! **jk jk sorry if this was too far for some but my humor in awkward situations can get out of hand, if I offend you – I am sorry and forgive me!**
    • Besides the bat residents in said cave during those down times with Caterpillar, one. Are you damn happy? When does this stop.
  • Are you using birth control methods outside of the pill, like condoms?
    • I mean…
  • Any issues…?
    • Nope, happy as a clam. Literally.
    • All is well, thanks for verifying my vag is happy and healthy. I love these convos, would you like to go out for tea after this!?

These thoughts and anxieties helped fill the time during my freeway cruising and before I knew it. It was time for the paper gown.

Guys, it was freezing in that damn office. Can we get some paper gown warmers? Heated exam chair? I don’t know what the deal was but I was not happy to strip down for this woman, without a steak dinner and shiver out of the stirrups. Worst fear, chattering/shivering so much that I end up closing my legs around her head during exam.

Obviously this is a bit exaggerated. By a bit, clearly a ton. It was cold but you do not have to worry for the doc, her head was safe. My nips were prob hard though and for that doc, I am sorry. P.S. – your freezing hands did not help…

Then it happened, the ole “you are going to feel some slight pressure” line – I am sorry. There is NOTHING in this world to 1- prepare you for that cold instrument going into depths of you and 2- hearing “relax” is not going to help me BTW. I know you are trying and I do appreciate it but at this point, I am sure everything is so tense down there you should prob give up. Also…me too.

It was all over pretty quickly, I must say. I always feels like a drawn out process but I made it. She wrapped it up by saying “everything looks and feels good” um…phrasing?! Glad you could see in there, I GROOMED JUST FOR YOU! Because I am sure that was what she was really focused on… and meant….so now we wait. Results will be back within a week or so and I did get another STD panel done because you know – wild and crazy gal over here.

She did say “we typically do STD screens routinely for women up to 26. However, if you would like we can do test for that as well.” I thought this was interesting, like why 26? What science goes behind this? I will be Googling that as well! I assume because most women after 26 are married and or in steady situations… ahem. It is fine, I will be the wildcard for her go ahead, test away doc!

I do want to mention that she did compliment my socks, she got a bonus point. She then lost said bonus point, when she had to ask what it was…. CLEARLY IT IS BB-8, YOU KNOW STAR WARS!? Oh, not a huge nerd like myself… sorry. But really, I smiled and just said it was Star Wars because her look of confusion was enough to tell me that this conversation cannot go on any longer. I fucking love droids.

Let me loop back around to rewards for making it through these appointments. My thoughts, all OB/GYN practices should have a tea room or spa room? Like, hey you badass bitch – you made it through the exam, have some tea! You want a quick facial instead!? HERE YOU GO! I would also accept a fun Starbucks drink, blanket or candy.

Once I scheduled my next sexy date with this gal next year, I decided that I did need a fun Starbucks drink for successfully adulting, so I waited in line with the other zombies and achieved the “i survived the speculum, swab wielding wonder-woman” mocha and happily drank it on my ride into work.

I made it and I should have another post like this for another year, aren’t we all happy!?

One more thing, I am unsure how I feel about photos on the ceiling. Does your practice have these? It was like a family photo today and it just kinda made me confused to be looking at 3 toddlers while enduring this.

Anyway! Remember, it is important to get these exams done, even if you do hate them. That whole self care thing guys! Make sure you do it!FullSizeRender (6)

Now, I have to ask, do you have any good OB/GYN stories? Anything at all really to comment and not make me feel alone and that I may have made a posting mistake!

❤ Love you all and have a great weekend!

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