Hello friends! I hope you all had a wonderful week and have plans for the weekend!
SO much has been going on over the past month. SO.MUCH.
I am not sure where to begin… I mentioned in my last post that I was having some increased endometriosis symptoms. This started at the end of January / beginning of February. Fellow friends who suffer from reoccurring or persistent medical issues, you know our pain tolerance is up there. So, I tried to wait this flare out, typical me.
There were regrets.
After about a week of tear induced pain, raging and general lacking in basic functions. I bit the bullet and drug myself into an urgent care (UC) to make sure all the key organs were good and for the love of God, hopefully get something to help my pain. (Feb 7)
Endometriosis is sneaky. It does not show up on imaging, so sometimes and by that I mean most of the time, our pain is not taken seriously or we are just the “medical mystery” when everything comes back fine.
Which it did, well the limited testing that they did at the UC. They took my urine, nothing of concern came of that. Apparently shingles was their first pick?? So they ruled that out as well, so all was left was my endo…after some serious prodding of my insides, the organs seemed fine and I was left in even more tears as they told me there was nothing more they could do. “I do not want to give you anything for pain as that would just be a mask.”
I do not even know what to say with this. I know there is an opiate crisis but I do not need that level, I would have taken the 800 ibuprofen per usual. Strong medications make me sick. Legit would need an anti-nausea pill to even take them post surgeries… but I guess I was meant to be left in misery. Fine. Thanks, fuck you doc.
The only thing that they did do – was suggest that I go to my GYN for exam and ultrasound. They were so kind to put one through our medical group as well… -.-
Fucking great. This experience will be dubbed failure #1. Now on to the second…
After a long evening of trying to sleep and trying not have another melt down. This disease is known to make spoonies feel isolated and it is true. I have not felt this level of it in a very long time. There was nothing more that I could do and the medical community was not willing to help me so far.
Second failure –> SO – I made sure to call my gyn first thing in the morning to give them a quick overview and schedule said follow up. They would not see me until I could have the records faxed over. Seriously.
Granted the practice is on the smaller side and OB as well so you know, people are out here birthing babies (lucky) and I guess that makes me fall to the end of the line. Which I can see to a point but… whatever that was my happy Friday morning. SO then I continued to reach out to records of my main physician group (I feel there is a better word for this and I am missing it) and all they have is a snail mail address on the website. Seriously take 2.
I try the lone number for the designated champion of records, no answer.. because why the hell not at this point. I leave a message with all the information and mine, nothing. In fact I still have not heard from them (its been 2 weeks).
HOWEVER – it was a Friday and I was still hanging on by a thread. We know how doctor’s do not work late, let a lone on a Friday. So I gave them until the following Monday before I called again. Mind you this was all in the 8-9AM time frame.
SO I loafed around on my heating pad for the weekend, try to take it as easy as possible, popping extra strength Tylenol which was my go to at this point. Useless, but I had to keep trying. When Monday came, I was out of patience. My pain levels were wearing on me and I may have had fire raging out of my ears.
I had a plan. I logged on to my dr’s portal, printed off the records from my visit. While they may?? or may not be the same, I figure it may be good enough to get into the lovely lady dr that I have been seeing since 2013, when I had my endo removed. So I faxed them over with a note. I still have not heard anything from either practice.
I had given up to be honest. I was in a pretty depressed state. In pain. Thinking off the shitty things that comes with a chronic illness, let alone one ones that involve the baby maker. Aka, thoughts of never being able to be a mom – the life long dream. This continued through the following Tuesday to which I called off work, it just was not happening.
The network of my primary and the UC reached out to me regarding the gyn referral they put in. They were able to get me in that Thursday (happy valentines day to me) with a doc that specializes in endo. I went for it and some new found hope crept in!
Light was starting to shine through – I got an appointment. FINALLY hopefully someone was willing to take me more seriously and you know what? She did.
The new dr was AMAZING. She was very thorough with me and kind. The um… trans vag ultrasound though. JEEEESUS. So painful. She said that my tenderness was in an area common with endo…. I wanted to die, she seemed okay. Also… pretty sure that I had nail marks in my hands for the rest of the day. She also mentioned something about my muscular system and guarding, not sure of those details as I was trying to breathe normally. Tense… me? WHAT!? 😉
Let me tell you. There is nothing like meeting a new gynecologist. You have to just throw all modesty out the window because its about to get up close and personal. Literally. So there I was met with a cold room and what was labeled “surgical lube.” yikes.
Along with those fun mentions, she went over some options for me –
- Surgery (of course)
- Orilissa or Lupron
So. I took the script for Orilissa, fought my insurance and the pharmacy all to not take it. Yeaaaaa….I got cold feet. This shit is no joke and too adult for me to handle. So I am continuing my reg birth control and dealing with pain and living in leggings when I can lol…jeans come with regrets, like today.
Ha. Look at me trying to appear human *hysterical laughing & crying here*
To say that this has been overwhelming, would be an understatement. I am feeling a little better mentally, I talked things out with a fellow lady and dear friend Honey Dukes. I am still debating the surgery thing still, I guess we shall see how things go.
Basically.. this all boils down to – having a uterus is too much work.
Positive side note: I did get a new rug for my living room. It really ties things together… hehe.
If you got to this point, CONGRATS! You get a cookie because you are a champ 🙂 here is a meme along with all of my love and until next time, I LOVE YOU! Be safe out there and have fun. ❤ Kat