In May of 1997, I wrote this list. I had passed my thirtieth birthday and wanted to tell younger women about the things I really wished I’d had and known by that important milestone. I guess people agreed with what I had to say, because a few years later the list showed up in my e-mail inbox; a friend had forwarded it to me for my reading pleasure, completely unaware that I was the author. After that, every month or two someone would send it to me and I’d immediately hit “reply all” and type, “Hey, that was me! I wrote that for Glamour.” (After a while, I don’t think anyone believed me.) The list became a phenomenon; posted on hundreds of websites, it was attributed to everyone from Jesse Jackson to Maya Angelou to Hillary Clinton. Someone even published it as an anonymously written book. As I read over these lines now, so many of them still seem worth having and knowing—whether you’re 30 or 22 or 75. Being a little older and a little wiser, I’ve plugged in a few new “shoulds.” By all means, add some of your own.

By 30, you should have:

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
   • Well 1/2. I have a whole gaggle of ones that remind me of how far that I have become? Sadly, I don’t think I have the “one I can imagine going back to.” 
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
   • Check! I got this one, maybe even two pieces – look out world!
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
   • Uh. I assume they do not mean leggings… 😉 I am sure I could throw something together. Maybe not “on fleek” (is that still a thing??) but I could do it lol.
4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
   • Checks for all of the above! Although, I am a huge child and IF I were to have ..say… a Star Wars themed of said items… I would still rock it and not be ashamed lol.
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
   • I think by 30 I can get those childhood hangups out of my system haha. But really, this was not an issue for me even at 20. 
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
   • I think I have a few stories in my pocket. But I have to wonder, is this what the elderly do!? Sit around and trade their wild past around bingo?
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
   • Obviously, I am going to get old. I have some stashed away and even a few retirement accounts. That was very adult sounding. 
8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
   • Of course, is this a real question? I thought most people had an individual account for all of these things? Perhaps I am paranoid or it’s because of my spinster lifestyle haha.
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
   • HA! I am pretty sure all resumes are padded…right?
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
    • For sure! I have a small group around me but they each bring something amazing to the table. Sadly, they all have seen me cry because well I am a mess of a human haha but I also have one who reminds me to get back up when I am knocked down- lookin at you Honeydukes :D. Of course, the one that will tell me what I want to hear and well… those are the main ones you need right? Quality is better than quantity and I learned that a long time ago.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
    • YES! I am an independent woman, FEAR ME! I will wear that black lace bra WHILE using screwdrivers and drill. *mic drop*
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
    • I am weird about buying myself things. I am more of a giver… but I did break down and get a new desktop computer recently. I found it was easier to volunteer on the crisis line with an actual screen that I do not have to squint to see. #savetheyouth
13. The belief that you deserve it.
    • Yes. Hear me roar.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
    • Skin care, kinda. Exercise…I mean I am trying. I did a burpee or two today. Tried to plan but that is difficult when you have 3 doggos romping around. The rest? I guess we will see!
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.
    • Well, this got real. Let me see, I have a good job in terms of wage and benefits. A relationship, well that is something in the works as we ALL know here 🙂 but I have come to terms recently after some much pondering that I don’t NEED a relationship to get what I want in life. Sure it is nice to be loved *throws self on the ground and sighs* but I don’t NEED it. I want kid(s), if I have to adopt – I have that option – you know if I find a money tree for such things. It is something I think about often and hope for the best but I know I will be okay. A good friend of mine reminded me that I do not NEED a man to have a child and live a full life. SO I DON’T FULLY AGREE WITH YOU, LIST!

By 30, you should know:

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
   • I am better about this. 
2. How you feel about having kids.
   • Yes, I guess I jumped the gun on this topic. I will have a kiddo at some point and somehow…I think :).
3. How to quit a job, break up with a partner and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
   • Now that is a sign of true adulthood. Quitting a job has never really been an issue, breaking up with someone well…I assume burning down his living quarters is not acceptable here… JUST KIDDING. Yes, and friendships are tricky in the hard stuff. Especially me, I am weird and a hermit and I appreciate my friends that stick by me and truly… keep me on my toes more than them. 
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
   • Oh, I may struggle with this from time to time… er all the time. I have a big heart and it is a blessing and a curse. -1 point.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
   • I did not realize that this would get so steamy up in here. I mean… this is personal, get out of here list.
6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
   • I should prob actually find a tailor for my short legs, that is pretty adult I suppose. The rest I’ve got though!
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
   • Yes. I can and currently doing the thing. It is hard and sometimes lonely but a place of solitude is nice.
8. How to take control of your own birthday.
   • We are not talking about birthdays at this moment. NOPE. Ignorance is bliss, or something like that.
9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
   • Unfortunately, this is something that all women have to come to at some point and time – right? I have accepted these things but I am still working on the hip thing. If I can figure it out, it’s my golden ticket.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
    • Yes, yes & yes. *wipes hands clean*
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
    • This may sound terrible, as I try to pride myself on being a somewhat conservative girl…but a girl can always use more money? Single dog mom over here!! Love is nice too… 😉
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
    • Sigh. Yes, I have learned this. I do not drink often and I quit smoking (just hit 7mo free bitches). I am really trying to get better at these things.
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
    • I think we all learn the hard way here. But we rise again, right?
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
    • Apologize?? What is that? Just kidding, I pob fail here too. I apologize often – I think of it as pick and choose your battles. I will stand my ground on some things though. 
15. Why they say life begins at 30.
    • WE WILL SEE! -.-