Oh, hello rabbit hole. It’s been a while…

Hello rabbit hole – I need to climb up.

I have been struggling to put my thoughts together over the past few days…

Some other things that I have noticed over the past month: I don’t play music when I drive, or when ride the bus or during work my 9-5.

My bed feels like the only safe place. I struggle to get though the day, come home to my three obnoxious dogs. I take care of them and sometimes myself…then retreat to comfy clothes and cocoon in a blanket. Every day.

I don’t eat three meals or drink any water. I’m lucky to get one decent meal in       to be honest. Some days it may just be a cliff bar.

Self care? Forget it. I don’t think I’ve brushed my hair in three days. So…

I guess before I knew it, I slipped, fell and landed head first into the bottom of the rabbit hole… Or depression if you will. 

Of course post breakup or whatever you want to call it – these things are natural. Staying in bed, not eating or over eating when I do. Then before I knew it, a month went by. That’s right, it has officially been a month.

It seems like it drug by, but honestly we all know a month is not a lot of time. I have stayed in contact with Caterpillar (to view that saga – see my post “Depression within relationships…) when he initiates and things were going so well, that I even stayed with him during one of his hard days last week. Other days, I’m not so strong. I knew it would be hard…but some days – whew. I still have faith and even more than I did before but on these off days, it just feels tiring to be strong for two if you will.

Anyway, I’m susceptible to depression. It’s been legit freezing outside or rainy and it just helps me slip into that mode with ease. I do keep up on my meds and avoid alcohol during these times. Alcohol when I’m depressed – eh takes me to a very dark place that’s takes me like 3 days to recover. Does anyone else have this problem??

So in efforts to dig myself out of this hole and focus on gratitude and self care… I was thinking about starting a bullet journal. I jus don’t know where to start…

BuzzFeed posted this article that inspired me and included everything that I think may be helpful.

Do any of you use any of the topics included in the article? Do you have any product suggestions? Thoughts? Advice!? Words of encouragement!?

Thanks so much for reading through my cluster thoughts and being the awesome readers/friends that you are.

Xoxo,

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P.S. – The featured photo is from this evening…when I ordered pizza for my feelings and asked them to surprise me with something written inside the box 😂❤️. It’s the little things right?

20 thoughts on “Oh, hello rabbit hole. It’s been a while…

  1. I haven’t had alcohol for years now. It was too hard coming back from the numb, I liked the numb it was a safety net that wasn’t real and distroying me. February is always my worst month. It’s cold and sucks, and there really isn’t much to look forward to. March usually sucks too but the clocks change and it helps.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing Molly. Alcohol can be tricky on that case too. I have struggled with it through out the years for various reasons. I truly appreciate you sharing your story and hope to chat again soon❤️. Thanks for stopping by

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  2. Your posts are always so heartfelt. I love it! Sorry about what you’re going through. I know it sucks! I do like the idea of having a stranger write in your pizza box, though. I need to request that next time I order pizza, but part of me thinks it could turn creepy fast.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Dav for your kind words 🙏🏻 I appreciate your support!!

      Perhaps give the pizza drawing or joke a try? See how your neighborhood pizza guy handles it – you’re right. I guess you’re right, it could go left quickly 😂

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  3. Great article! Alcohol is definitely the worst way to self-medicate when you’re suffering from low mood. Possibly the best way to experience a natural high is exercise though – it always makes me feel better. It may seem a little harsh too, but I would avoid clickbaity Buzzfeed articles on such issues as I think these sites tend to romanticise a little too much about such problems (this article convinces you that you can exploit your problems to become some sort of quirky character from an insufferable indie movie).

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  4. Great post! I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Breakups are the worst, but you can get through it! It just takes time. I’m sure everyone tells you that, but it’s true. When I start getting really anxious, I write in my journal. Typing on the computer is fine too, but there’s just something so soothing and freeing when pouring your feelings out on paper. Just let it all out! And I also bullet journal! I love it. I use mine more for organization and tracking my finances, but I think using it for mental health is awesome too. I think I’m going to try that out 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for stopping by and giving your support! Your comment was very touching and I appreciate it so much. Breakups are definitely the worst – especially in this case where he suffers from anxiety and depression and needed to focus on his care too. So it’s like what do I do? It’s tough.

      I have tried typing but you’re right, there is something more soothing about actually writing it down and I am in search of a new journal for that reason 🙏🏻❤️.

      Thanks again for the love and I hope to talk to you again soon!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I feel doing exercise or going to dance class or swimming, cycling may help as increase feel good hormones and a person feels good. Try to have some new hobby. Visiting an old age home or orphanage

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  6. When I suffered from depression and anxiety I used Inositol. It’s a natural supplement and it helped so much! Then, I eventually got off it by myself. Doing yoga also really helped! I’m here if you need anyone to talk to! 🙂 Sending big hugs Monica x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Monica! Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your experience. I have not heard if inositol, I will definitely look into that! Anything to help continue down the path of healing and he more natural- the better.

      Thanks again for the love and support, it meant the world to me. I hope we talk again soon!!! Hugs 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m also susceptible to a bit of depression now and then. I try to schedule my calendar so that I have things to get me up and out and distracted as much as possible. You never actually feel like doing it but I always feel better afterwards…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello lovely! Thank you for stopping by, you always seem to be right 🙂 I know getting my ass out of bed would be better for me. Perhaps the phone calendar/alarm may help with that. Motivation can be hard, especially when it is rainy….ugh.

      Thanks again for the motivation Quinn! I will give this a shot!

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  8. It’s been a long time since I experienced any depression, and I am so thankful for that. So, I just want to say, it get’s better. I am coming up on 7 years sober, and every day I have to make the decision to stay that way. My life is not perfect now, but I am happier. One day at a time, one step at a time, one moment at a time. You will get there too. I know the weather makes it harder, it’s been that way here for the past few weeks too. :/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for stopping by Kristen and sharing your story with me. Kudos to your sobriety!! I find I run into the “happy hour” pretty frequently and get flack for it – I am working on how to handle that better I guess.

      I am so happy to hear that you are in a much better place, while it seems difficult for me right now – I know I can too. One step, even a baby step counts right? I filled in my eyebrows today….for the first time in over a month and put on a little make up (you are welcome coworkers!).

      Thanks again for the encouragement and I hope we chat again soon!<3

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Katrina, I hope you find the strength to overcome these challenges you are facing. You will get through this, however, you must believe in this yourself. You are already coping through writing, taking the necessary steps to realize how you are feeling. Now you just need to decide what to do next. Pick up a new hobby, listen to motivational music, eat something sweet, learn a new skill, exercise, volunteer, reconnect with friends, visit family, paint or draw. Keeping yourself busy is key to hindering the madness going on inside. Maybe all you want to do is be alone during this hard time and suffocate in your thoughts, but that’ll just push you further down the rabbit hole. Make appropriate and healthy choices for yourself. You will thank yourself later. I hope that you find clarity and one day find a new, greater love.

    All the best darling – Charity

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