As I have mentioned before, I suffer from anxiety and depression. As someone who has dealt with this for many years, it’s deeply comforting to meet someone “who gets it” especially if that person happens to eventually become your significant other.
I met a lovely man whom I will call… Caterpillar. There is a story behind that but hey, that’s not the point of this post.
Caterpillar also suffered from depression and anxiety so he “got it.” He understood my anxious days or lower days because he has suffers from them too. It felt like he understood me better than myself most days. That feeling is, earth shattering. Before I knew it, I felt a little less guarded and cared for this Caterpillar very much.
He didn’t scream at me to get over it, shut me out and leave when I had bad anxiety days. Not like what I had to deal with in the past. I was with someone for 5 years and he never understood me quite like Caterpillar. Even though we both had bad breakups, we fell into whatever you want to call it…
However….
Here is the thing with two individuals who suffer from these mental issues… No one responds or handles things the same. So yes, we did have some bumps in the road as you could imagine. While I like to be with my loved one on bad days, he wanted to be alone. Thats just how it was. So fast forward through our days of being inseparable and acting like kids in love in toy isles… Which is a literal statement 🙏🏻.
The day came, winter was especially hard on us. I combat the lack of sun with vitamin d supplements and try to keep going. He, took it harder and eventually there came a day where he said his depression got to a level that concerned him and that he needed time to focus on himself and figure a few things out alone.
Again, I would want someone to be beside me in these cases and have before. He obviously wanted to be alone, which was not out of character for him. I didn’t understand it, but respected it.
While I looked for any reason for this to make sense in my raging anxious mind, which irritated him. It wasn’t me, it was him needing time to sort through things,go to the doc and do it alone. I just needed to understand that.
It was/is hard. I saw this man almost every day per his own requests – I didn’t push or was the overbearing woman – in any way and we had the best of times. We were fine the day before, so this was a bit of a blindsided situation.
I tried my best to try to be apart of his life because from what he was telling me, he was in a dark place and I am a bleeding heart for the ones I care about. He still needed his space. So… I somehow found the strength to not text him unless he initiated it.
Which he did and still does…even though he wanted to fully disconnect. Which helped me hanging to hope. Now here is the real portion of the post that I want you to focus on – the back story was important but my cry for help if you will or looking for thoughts on hope.
This man has never lied to me in any way and I trust him 100% and I saw with my own eyes, his struggle. He wasn’t just using this for an excuse to leave. If that was the case, why still keep in contact at all. Which we have had over the past month – a couple days may go by but he always touches base with me. I have also seen him cut off people who brought negativity in his life and yet he hasn’t done that to me.
My friends and family seem to have an issue with me still responding to him… Still having hope. Here is the thing, they dont suffer from mental illness. They don’t understand it at all really, so I feel it’s easy for them to say: you need to cut all ties and move on.
I have been in a dark place. I know what it’s like to feel self hatred, confusion, anxiety and struggling to get out of bed. They don’t.
So here I am. I’m still holding on to hope and he stated he has hope as well but he didn’t want me to wait around because “it wasn’t fair to me.” To me, that’s my choice but he didn’t see it that way.
So here is my question for people who are in relationships where one or both of you have depression and/or anxiety….
- Have you ever been pushed away? If so, did you hang in there?
- Did you have people call you weak or essentially made you feel silly for holding on to hope?
- What advice do you have for me!?
I feel very alone in my case and hope to hear some thoughts from you.
Happy Monday everyone and I hope you have a great start to your week!
Sending lots of love and good vibes ❤️
Xoxo,
**Sorry for any mass typos that may be here! I struggled to open up about this and then it just flowed 🙏🏻
diaryofthemadkatter.com 
I hope you both continue to have hope I don’t know much about love because I’m very young but I think you guys are meant for each other.
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Interesting read, not an expert but I have a wee bit of advice anyway due to my experience with mental health issues. I believe that you’re not weak to want to keep in touch with this person as one of the worst things somebody can do when suffering from anxiety or depression is to become reclusive. You’re are therefore doing the correct thing by keeping in touch with the person in question as letting them know that somebody cares will help them.
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Thank you for your thoughts Ethan. You’re right, even though some days may be harder on me. Making sure he knows some one cares is very important. I guess I just have to be the strong one for both of us, even if we are not together at the moment. It will all work out – just have to be positive 🙏🏻
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I am that person and I definitely pull away BUT I pull away within the relationship, if that makes sense. I would never want to take a break. I’m a bit more distant because I’m stuck in my own head with my own thoughts that are trying to drown me in negativity, but… that doesn’t turn off my love for the other person. It doesn’t make me insensitive to their needs or feelings. I know it’s my issue and when I get bad I bundle up my responsibilities to myself (and those around me) and get myself to a counsellor.
And as hard as I find it (and I find it DAMN hard), I talk about it with my person. Maybe not right away, but after a few days I manage to choke it out because I know that otherwise it turns into a something much larger and uglier that looms over both of us and wedges itself between us, and I value my relationship too much not to fight it. I’m self-aware enough to know that I suffer from something that is bigger than myself, and can ruin things for me if I let it, and so I have to take the bull by the horns so to speak and keep it fenced in to some degree. When it breaks loose I have to get out there and, yeah, it’s a bit of a rodeo, but I know it’s a blip. I’ll get the stupid bull metaphor back under control eventually. And it’s always easier when I have help.
So… I don’t know. On one hand, yes, you’re good to be sensitive to his situation. On the other hand, what is he doing to get back to you? What is he doing to really get through the Swamps of Sadness? I’m about to hit you with A Neverending Story reference so get ready:
You are Atreyu, and he is Artax. You can’t pull him out of the Swamps by sheer force of will. He has to want to get out of there. You know from your own experience.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. *hug*
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Thank you so much Quinn ❤️. I am the type that also refuses to turn away from my loved one. It’s just not in me even when I’m lost in my head too.
I do try to be respectful as everyone is different and handles things their own way *eyeroll* 😉
He stated he did go to the doctor so it sounds like he is trying. I don’t poke the bear (bears, bulls!? We have a thing with animal metaphors) if you will. He seems to be embarrassed by it the last time we talked about it. Apparently this is common with men?
He will text me to see how me and my pups are doing. He considered him his fur children as well – I know that probably sounds ridiculous lol. He seems to want to keep that line open to me, probably because he knows my anxiety well. I have a tendency to full blown panic for days. Ugh.
Thank you so much for your thoughts Quinn – you were right. We are going to get along famously 🙏🏻. Especially for the metaphors and Neverending Story reference, it made my day! As well as your words gave me some strength *hugs!*
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I suffer from anxiety and depression as well, and my ex didn’t believe me when I was having ‘bad days’; he just said I was being ‘a girl’ and ’emotional’. Then of course, I was clinically diagnosed with a&d and he still didn’t take it seriously. Then, when he had a mental breakdown after we split up, he blamed me and said that it was because I didn’t understand his depression. It was all very upsetting.
I agree with the above comment: if you believe that he just needs space, then show him support by honoring his wishes, but if ever you feel he isn’t being honest with you, you have every right to question his choice. Hang in there sweetie.
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Thank you so much for your comments. My ex sounds exactly like yours. Well ex before caterpillar if you will. He always called me “emotional” and “irrational. ” very upsetting indeed! Then he had the nerve to say you didn’t understand his depression 😔 even though you probably was the best person to understand. I’m very sorry you been to go through that as well.
I’m trying to be as strong as possible and so far, it seems he is being honest as usual, so I guess we will see how it goes.
Thanks again for all your support. You sound like a very strong gal and I’m glad we met here. ❤️🙏🏻
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I have no specific advice for you, because I tend to be a very selfish person, particularly in my slumps, and I would definitely not be giving him the proper space he requested… so any advice for me would be bad.
But I do want to say that you should always have hope. Hope for a future, hope for love, hope for a different future with someone else if this falls through, hope for yourself. Never give up on hope.
Sending you hugs.
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Hi Rhea! Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement, it means a lot in this confusing time. I’m going to try to remain positive and keep that hope going. ❤️🙏🏻 I hope we stay in touch!
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