As February is speeding by, I realize that I will be 29 before I know it – April 29th to be exact and for some reason, I am very anxious about it. Because you know, 30 is next and I should totally have my life together… Ahem.
As many of you around my age know and probably experience, social pressures can get to you around this age. The typical (and dare I say painful) questions that fly at your face like damn grenades at family gatherings and even the what was supposed to be a low-key happy hour….usually ends up like this for me:
· Hi, what do you do?
· How old are you?
· Are you single? …I have someone perfect for you!
· Do you have children? No? Do you want them?
· Do you want to get married?
· How is your job going?
The questions do not seem to slow and next thing you know, I am sweating, heart is racing and looking for the nearest exit or contemplating if faking my own death would be less painful at the moment. Which let’s be honest, probably would be a blessing.
I wish I could say that I am one of those rare people that has all the luck in the world and life just continued perfectly for them…you know the perfect significant other, the nice home, a dog and 2.5 kids….whatever that means, I find it mildly concerning 😊. However, that is just not the case. In fact, I am one of the most cursed people that I know. Life likes to throw me curveballs, or cement bricks at me with a steady pace.
Simply, I don’t have it together.
As a younger naïve gal, I thought for sure that I would be in a more stable position at 28, rolling 29. That whole approaching 30 mark, just makes it seem like I am running out of time due to these social pressures that I mentioned. Yes, most people I know are married, have a steady relationship, engaged, children, home, making serious dough and here I am….feeling broken especially with my anxiety hanging on my back like Yoda.
I have had a broken engagement, been abandoned, cheated on, made a fool and I’m sure been loved in there somewhere too…I hope. I just find it hard to trust at times, as we are all broken at this point in our lives in one way or another, and I also bring to the table some health issues. I mean who would want someone like me!? I am A MESS. I have had several surgeries and officially diagnosed with endometriosis in 2013. Apparently, after my surgery was the time to have children…but that was NOT happening. If I think I do not have it together today, I really did not have it together then.
I have scars across my belly from 4 surgeries, may have fertility issues and will not know until I try for said children, throw in a some mental issues too and you got yourself a Katrina. Ugh. But while I have had some challenges, I do have a big heart and love hard, so there’s is that?
Anyway, let me bring back my original point, to those aggressive questioners – which may be family, friends or someone you just met. Chances are, NO we do not want to be set up, we will get there when we feel like it. For me, NO I do not have children yet, but wish and hope I am able to – thanks for bringing that up btw not that I haven’t dreaded that thought since my diagnosis of endometriosis. My Job? Oh well, I get paid so that is nice…I mean it’s a job. I would rather be a beach bum but hey – here I am slaving away to keep my house – that I do have I guess and kibble in the bowls for my pups. Also… of course, I would want to get married but keeping a man has been hard for me for some reason…. now where is the BOOZE! Or at this point, just picture me running away like a mad woman with my 5’2” legs… #strugglebus.
I don’t think some people realize how personal and uncomfortable those questions can be. Especially if you suffer from an anxiety disorder, depression and or other mental concerns…it all falls back to that lovely quote:
As you can probably tell, I have been going through a rough patch and this may just be a product of hurt, but I would love to hear how you handle situations like the above or any advice for a late 20s gal!
Thank you for stopping by and reading! I hope to hear from you!